Alo-Ha! Friday
Shoppers take cover
from explosive sales ads
Hank Hill, the cartoon dad on the TV show "King of the Hill," is a propane salesman who worships his product. He would not have been amused by a recent full-page ad by Gaspro in "that other" Hawaii newspaper announcing a "BLOWOUT clearance" sale and featuring a dynamite plunger with "TNT" in large letters. You've got to have some kind of guts to run an ad about blowing up things these days when 1) terrorism is on everyone's mind and 2) your company's product is explosive gas.Now the news:
Dogs finally wise up
MUNICH, Germany (Reuters) >> A pack of dogs attacked parked cars, leaving a trail of damaged vehicles in their wake. In one case the dogs chewed off the bumper of a Volkswagen bus. "One of them leaped into the side of a car and bit into it like a lunatic," said one observer.(A dog later explained, "We figured, why chase cars when there are perfectly good cars parked along the streets? It was a beautiful thing.")
Robbable man hit again
BERLIN (Reuters) >> A 61-year-old man was robbed twice in five minutes in the western town of Herne, police said. First, his mobile phone was stolen. Then, when he chased the thieves, men in a passing car robbed him of his wallet.(A police spokesman said, "We feel if we could keep this poor gentleman off the streets, we could reduce crime in our town by roughly 50 percent.")
Men get bum's rush
LONDON (Reuters) >> Men love their bottoms more than women do, a survey has shown."Our research reveals that just 7 percent of the nation currently love their bum," said a survey spokesman. "But among those who do, men felt more strongly."
(The survey was sponsored by a toilet paper company, not, surprisingly, the House of Commons.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
A professional Caucasian voice actor faked an Arab accent for the translation of Saddam Hussein's responses in Dan Rather's recent interview. We've learned that the actor inadvertently slipped into other dialects during the taping, resulting in Saddam saying things like, "Argh, matey! If that pack of American lubbers attacks Iraq, we'll keelhaul 'em!" See more amazing details, mateys, in Sunday's "Honolulu Lite."
Quote me on this:
"Jesus!" said New Yorker magazine founder Harold Ross, the single word being the stage-shy editor's entire speech upon receiving an award. To which his colleague Frank Sullivan replied: "Your speech was too long, Ross. I got bored after the first syllable."
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com