Honolulu Lite
Honolulu Lite
Pricey hamburgers will help
beef up Hawaii economyThe true measure of the economy's health is not the Dow Jones Industrial Average or the price of gold, but what I call the "Hamburger Index," or how much it costs to buy a decent hamburger.
Using that financial marker, the economy of New York City must be doing great, because one restaurant there is now selling a hamburger for $41.
According to news reports, the landmark Old Homestead restaurant recently added a burger to its menu, the first time in its 135-year history. The 20-ounce hamburger is billed as the most expensive hamburger in New York City. I think they are being bashful. I'd bet it's the most expensive burger in the country.
One reason it is so expensive is because it is made from Kobe beef. Kobe beef comes from Japanese cows that are fed beer and massaged daily. Kobe cows are notoriously suspicious creatures. Their attitude is like, Yeah, you feed me beer and massage me, but will you respect me in the morning? Cattle ranchers have always believed that the most tender beef comes from the most suspicious cows.
According to the Hamburger Index, Hawaii's economy isn't doing too well. You can still get ridiculously cheap hamburgers here. Some places sell burgers for as little as 59 cents. That's just wrong. I wouldn't want to see the cow that produced hamburgers for under a dollar. That's got to be one tense, sober brute.
A few Hawaii restaurants are trying to help the economy by selling pricey burgers. The Surf Room at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel sells one for $13.50, but it has bacon and avocado and other junk on it, so it isn't a true burger. What you're paying for at the Surf Room is real estate, not beef. The Surf Room is on the beach. You can practically spit on the surf from your table, although that isn't encouraged.
The Mariposa restaurant at Ala Moana Center serves up an $11 burger. That's a good effort but hardly expensive enough to kick-start the local economy.
I did some quick checking and found out that most expensive burgers in Honolulu are only in the $6 to $8 range. Chump change. Kua 'Aina, which is known for burgers, can only get $6.35 for its top-of-the-line burger. You'd think they'd offer at least one burger in the double digits, for people who are celebrating wedding anniversaries.
Dixie Grill does have a $20 hamburger. It's called the "Bust Your Belly Burger," and it weighs 2 pounds. You know how many ounces that is? Neither do I. But it's not a real burger. It's kind of a stunt-burger, because if you eat the whole thing and all the "fixin's," you don't have to pay. If you eat the whole burger and the fixin's, you'll also be fixin' to check into a hospital, so it's not really worth saving 20 bucks.
Where is the most expensive hamburger in Hawaii? To find out, I challenge you to enter the "Honolulu Lite Most Expensive Hamburger in Hawaii Contest." The winner will receive an "all-expenses-paid" lunch at that restaurant.
When I say "all-expenses-paid," I mean all expenses will be paid BY the winner. For him or herself, as well as the official "Honolulu Lite" chaperone, which may be me. OK, it will be me. But I'm only going along to help save the economy.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com