Digital Slob
Digital Slob
Uncover ugly truths
masked by Digital Age
It's time for some interactivity -- old style. Get out your ancient quills to test how hopelessly dependent you are, or soon will be, on the Digital Age. If you're reading this on the Internet, there should be little doubt. Circle the answer that you think best finishes each sentence:1. I check my e-mail A) once a day or less. B) several times a day. C) just now after reading this question. D) ... therefore, I exist.2. Most of my digital passwords are based on my A) mother's maiden name. B) pet's name. C) pet's maiden name. D) pet's mother's maiden name.
3. In the last six months, I've purchased things online A) never. B) a few times. C) that thankfully came in discreet, plain brown wrappers. D) and now my credit card number is plastered on a billboard in Caracas, Venezuela.
4. If my Internet connection is suddenly lost, I A) read a book. B) fidget nervously while channel surfing on the TV. C) wander aimlessly into oncoming traffic. D) convulse into the fetal position as an emotional death spiral forces me to look inward for the first time in years only to find an empty shell where a soul used to be.
5. Internet dating A) seems desperate and dangerous, and I would never try it. B) may be OK for some, but I have not tried it. C) is my only option since I lapse into panic attacks from the slightest human touch. D) seems desperate and dangerous, and that's what turns me on.
6. The number of digital devices I own is A) 0-5. B) 5-9. C) irrelevant; I can quit whenever I want. D) impossible to track once they started breeding among themselves.
7. As for how much I use digital devices, suffice it to say A) I use them at home or work. B) I use them in my car. C) I use them at home, work, car, restaurants, theaters, bathrooms, christenings. D) as I take this quiz, I'm also engaged in a hands-free cell-phone conversation during a prostate exam.
Extra credit: The following terms are related either to the Digital Age or to the New Deal programs of the FDR administration (or both). Differentiate and check answers below. Correct answers are worth 1 point.
WPA FSA CWA CIO RFC PDA FTP ILA NLRB URL DNS CPU DSL OPA PWA ISDN
Now, add up your scores. (A=1, B=2, C=3, D=4). Answers to extra credit question:|Digital Age: PDA, URL, DNS, CPU, DSL, ISDN
New Deal: WPA, FSA, CWA, CIO, ILA, NLRB, OPA, PWA
Both: FTP (Federal Theatre Project and File Transfer Protocol), RFC (Reconstruction Finance Corp. and Request For Comment networks).
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0-12: Hello, Ted Kaczynski. Only the Unabomber is this techno-averse. Don't try to change your answers; satellites have already recorded them. You will soon be rounded up for your own good. Results
13-29: You're not totally consumed by the Digital Age yet, but you'd sooner check www.weather.com before you'd just look out the window.
30+: You likely Googled "FDR's New Deal" to max out your score. You know free will is just a crutch for people with CPUs slower than 1 GHz.
Curt Brandao is the Star-Bulletin's
production editor. Reach him at
at: cbrandao@starbulletin.com