Alo-Ha! Friday
America has a lot more taste
than the CongoIt seems a lot of the world doesn't like America. I don't get it. It's not like we eat our short people. If you are going to hate an entire country, you should really hate a country that eats its short people.
Like the Congo, for instance. The United Nations is investigating reports that Congolese rebels have been eating Pygmies. For real.
The rebels send the Pygmies out to hunt food, and if they come back empty-handed, they get eaten. ("You feel like a Masai?" "Nah, I'm not real hungry. Let's have a small meal tonight.") You have to wonder why the Pygmies would return to camp at all under those circumstances.
Now for some other weird news from around the world:
Kids don't get the joke
CALGARY, Canada (Reuters) >> When parents use sarcasm to playfully tease their young children, the kids probably don't get the humor.A Canadian researcher has found that children need to be 10 or older to fully grasp sarcasm.
Psychologist Penny Pexman presented children scenarios such as a gardener who pulls flowers and leaves the weeds, prompting a neighbor to remark, "You're a great gardener."
Most of the children took the remark literally.
(A few, however, responded, "You're a great psychologist, Ms. Pexman. This is a great test.")
Fight of the wiener dog
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (Reuters) >> A golden eagle made a meal of a dachshund hunting dog in Sweden after experts warned a cold spell was forcing hungry birds of prey closer to towns and cities.The dog was taking part in a rabbit hunt when the bird swooped down and took it.
(The jubilant rabbit is said to have pointed at the airborne pup and yelled, "Now THAT's what I'm talkin' about!")
Doctor kills at conference
SAN DIEGO (Reuters) >> Hundred of euthanasia supporters gave a rousing welcome to Australia's "Doctor Death" at a conference that included a seminar entitled "What's New in Hastening the Dying Process."(Homemade guillotines?)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
The good news for Congressman Neil Abercrombie is, a racist white-pride organization is no longer using his name in their Web site address. The bad news is, now neilabercrombie.com is up for sale on eBay. And so is the name of another famous Hawaii politician.
Quote me on this:
"You cannot please everyone, but if you rule the routes of trade and have the world by the throat, it matters less." -- Queen Elizabeth I. (OK, maybe Queenie didn't actually say it. But she should have.)
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com