Honolulu Lite
Honolulu Lite
Some are beyond
self-helpLoyal readers of "Honolulu Lite" know that we discourage the making of resolutions this early in the year. We've found that making "New Year" resolutions in June or July generally work out much better. By then you've had a chance to see how bad the year is going to suck and can actually begin looking at next New Year for making any major changes in your life.
For those of you, however, who insist on locking yourself into promises this early in the year, try to make them something you can accomplish. For instance, don't promise to lose weight this year. Just promise that you'll try not to sit on anyone. If you are having a teeny battle with the bottle, don't resolve to quit drinking cold turkey, just promise that you won't donate your liver to anybody should Mr. Death come knocking at your door. On the other hand, if you are a four-pack-a-day smoker and feel you don't have the fortitude to quit, make a resolution that you will leave your lungs to Lex Brodie so he can retread tires with them.
Self-improvement is on everyone's mind this time of year. Luckily there are a number of Web sites on the Internet to help you take stock of your self and suggest ways for improvement. I went to a site billed as the "Most powerful self-improvement technique on the Web." What I found as a message that said "Page not found." I thought, is this a test? Is finding the page the first breakthrough on the road to self-improvement? No, basically the site went out of business.
UNDETERRED, I WENT to another site, which had a test to determine my motivation to succeed. But before I could take the test, I had to fill out this long form with your name and address and everything, and, well, it just seemed like too much trouble, so I said to hell with it.
Another site had a self-help test that you could just jump right into. It asked you questions like "Are you in a rut?" "Are you burned out?" "Do you feel like people are out to get you?" "Do you like what you see in the mirror?" And ending up with "Do you feel like life is worth living?"
And I was, like, up until the time I took this test, I was feeling pretty good. But now, I don't know. I found the test extremely depressing. Why'd they have to make a crack about what I see in the mirror? What do they think I see? I see a guy who ought to be careful not to sit down on anyone.
There was another self-help test that asked even more personal questions. I found my self replying "None of your business" to most of them. All my answers were analyzed, and a little message box popped up that said: "You're a twisted little puppy. You need help. And not from a computer. We may be talking brain surgery. You make us sick. Never visit this site again."
Whoa. See what I mean? Those kinds of remarks are much better dealt with in June.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com