’Net Junkie
It’s hard to get a date
when you’re in jailI'm very open-minded, outgoing, sexy, classy, compassionate, playful, romantic, adventurous and faithful," writes Christine, an attractive 23-year-old currently residing in Nevada. "I enjoy beaches, sunsets, reading, working out, dancing, candlelit dinners and good conversation."
Christine recently placed a personal ad online because, despite all her outstanding qualities, she has trouble landing a date these days. You see, Christine's in lockdown. As in "in prison." See her profile, as well as those of more than 2,000 other incarcerated women and men from across the country at www.meet-an-inmate.com
Michelle is a 31-year-old Texas inmate whose photos of her ample form stretching the limits of a yellow thong bikini are sure to earn her fan mail from admirers. Problem is, fellas, you won't get to see her model a swimsuit until January 20, 2016, when she's up for parole. She'll be 45 by then.
Brenda from Georgia wants a man "who knows how to treat a lady" and may meet her Prince Charming yet, as her life term comes with the possibility of parole. Meanwhile, 63-year-old Cathy is a self-described loner and homebody. She's also a lifer.
Inmate #46171-019 is known to his closest associates as Wendell Harris. His defiant stance, dark sunglasses and prison khakis belie a poetic soul, as evidenced by this balmy verse, which accompanies his profile: "By chance ... if I could share the ways and means of life and love / With someone so unique / She can believe in what love does / Then I could share with her / What weighs upon my very heart / With one sincere intent/Which is to never be apart ... "
Meet-an-inmate.com began in 1998 as the brainchild of Arlen Bischke, who once exchanged letters with a Florida inmate. The pen pal requested Bischke also place personal ads for a few of her fellow cellmates, and as Bischke's list of clients grew, the Internet seemed the way to go. Even after implementing a small fee for his online services, applications continued to roll in.
"Why not give it a try?" Bischke asks on his Web site. "Make the day of a lonely inmate. After all, these individuals are human beings, have feelings and want to straighten out their lives!" They just have a harder time meeting new people, that's all.
’Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at slopes@starbulletin.com.
Note: Web sites mentioned in this column were active at time of publication. The Honolulu Star-Bulletin neither endorses nor is responsible for their contents.
