’Net Junkie
Deadbeat’s CD could
make him debt-freeThe worst part about being in debt for Mike was the incessant phone calls from creditors. Somehow, though, he figured out a way to turn lemons into lemonade by recording the calls from harassing creditors, engaging them in hilarious conversations, pressing a CD and selling the product online at www.mikethedeadbeat.com Mike, an out-of-work comedy writer (he once wrote for "Saturday Night Live") hopes his CD will bring in enough cash to erase his enormous debt.
Disregarding the fine print on a credit card he'd never bothered to use, Mike soon found himself billed for exorbitant fees. Then came the calls. "I've never made a payment," Mike tells the creditor's representative in an mp3 version of the call on his Web site. "And I was wondering if you could turn the card on just to see how it works, you know? Maybe I could go buy a shirt or something." "Well, actually, due to inactivity and non-payment, your account was closed by the bank," is her reply.
Then Mike the Deadbeat, with nothing to lose, divulges his plans for the card. "Usually I get the card and run it right up to the limit. If I could get this one turned on for just one day, I could just whack it out and chuck it." At least he's honest. He just won't pay.
When Mike begins reading back the company's brochure to the rep over the phone, she hangs up on him. Hilarious stuff, until you realize Mike still owes them $450.
That didn't stop him from opening another account with a card featuring a $400 limit, $119 acceptance fee, $29 application fee, $6 monthly fee and $50 annual charge.
"I'll just send you my rent money and have my phone shut off," he tells the caller.
"And when are you going to be sending payment?" she asks.
"I don't think that's going to happen. Didn't you know I was a deadbeat when you sent me this card? Didn't you see that I don't pay anybody?"
Silence.
You can just see the representative's eyes rolling back in her head.
For those wary of ordering a CD from someone so cavalier with other people's money, Mike says don't worry; he's not handling the transactions. "Plus," he says. "I'm a deadbeat, not a thief."
’Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at slopes@starbulletin.com.
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