Alo-Ha! Friday


Comedy Central stalking
our weird nightlife

Comedian Dave Attell has what some would consider a dream job: He travels around the country seeking the most entertaining and bizarre nightlife for his Comedy Central television show "Insomniac." The downside, however, is that his job entails a lot of drinking. Every time I've watched the show, Dave is pretty well blottoed. I wonder if Comedy Central is paying for liver insurance.

Attell and his "Insomniac" crew will be shooting a show in Honolulu in a few weeks. His advance man Cristin asked me if I knew any nightside weirdness Attell could check out while here. I told him nobody knew weirdness like the readers of "AloHa Friday." So e-mail me with any dark, sexy or strange stuff that goes on in our town after the sun sets.

And now the news:

Mom puts her foot down

PHNOM PENH (Reuters) >> A Cambodian mother took drastic steps to stop her party-loving 13-year-old daughter from going out at night: She nailed her foot to the floor.

Mao Savoeun told police she was angry with her daughter for going to a party at a local pagoda. When the girl came home and went to sleep, the mother drove a 2-inch nail through the top of her right foot, pinning it to the floor.

"We educated her about human rights," said a district official, "and are going to send her to the prosecutor who will decide if she will be charged."

(They advised the girl to stay on her toes to make sure it didn't happen again.)

Merry Something Thingy

TORONTO (Reuters) >> Toronto officials apologized after renaming a City Hall Christmas Tree a "Holiday Tree" in a fit of political correctness.

"Our staff were trying to be inclusive, and their hearts were in the right place," said Mayor Mel Lastman, "but they went too far."

The mayor will ask the city council to officially put the world "Christmas" in front of the word tree in all future city documents.

(The Christmas ornaments hanging on the tree, however, will continue to be called "those generic multicolored round thingies, and the reindeer, "indigenous quadruped wildlife.")

"Honolulu Lite" on Sunday:

Violent predators who committed a racially motivated hate crime are turned loose by a judge on Maui. In a document overturning a manslaughter conviction, one Supreme Court justic court justice takes time to insult a fellow justice. It must be time to play "Bash the Judges!" again in this Sunday's "Honolulu Lite."

Quote me on this:

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there is no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other." -- Jack Handey

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail

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