Honolulu Lite
Ocean recreation rules
leave some high and dryInternal memo
From: Department Head, Water Recreation Sports Regulation Office
To: Ocean Safety Officers
Re: Ocean activities (Problems)
Hiya, fellas. Look, we're running into a few problems enforcing the new ocean recreation rules. I know they are complicated, what, trying to divvy up the ocean for use by surfers, tow-in surfers, body surfers, sponge surfers, kite surfers, wind surfers, divers, bathers, boaters, floaters, etc. And yes, I understand that the rules were promulgated by a committee of people who have never actually been to the beach, let alone in the ocean. But rules are rules! So please note the following problems and let's see if we can avoid them:
>> While Waimea Bay is reserved from 4 to 5 p.m. daily for "Senior Swim" time, entering the water is not mandatory by those over 65 years of age. Do not force old people into the water during this period, especially when the waves are over 20 feet. The newspaper photo of a lifeguard chucking the 86-year-old Kalihi woman off the rocks into the surf recently was somewhat embarrassing.
>> Tow-in surfing is allowed at Hanauma Bay from noon until 2 p.m. daily. I know it is rather unnerving for the snorkeling tourists to see a jet ski bearing down on them at 40 knots, but the tow-in surfers need a place to practice, and Hanauma Bay is the designated spot.
>> Likewise, snorkeling at Sunset Beach is allowed throughout the day, despite surf heights. Remind any surfer caught running over a snorkeler without a permit they have to remain out of the water for 20 minutes. Let me correct that, if the snorkeler has a permit, the surfer must leave the water. Surfers are allowed to use their "mulligan" and run over one nonpermitted snorkeler without penalty.
>> Boogie Board and body board surfers (sponge riders) are restricted to Lake Wilson. Period.
>> Long boarders are allowed to surf Ala Moana Bowl at any time. But they must paddle the length of the Ala Wai Canal after each ride to give short boarders a chance to catch waves.
>> Remember, to keep the number of surfers at any one spot manageable, we will vigorously enforce the "Dude Stipulation," to wit: Any surfer who uses the word "dude" more than three times in one surfing session will be banned from surfing that spot for two weeks.
>> Please note: The annual Eddie Aikau Big Wave Contest has once again been canceled due to no waves. Use caution when dealing with event organizers as they are still angry that the event was moved from Waimea Bay to Keehi Lagoon. On a positive note, once again this year there was plenty of parking.
>> Also note that anyone wishing to body surf at Sandy Beach must enter and exit the water THROUGH the Blowhole. (Not the beach, the actual Blowhole.) This helps limit surfers at Sandys to those with a fierce will to live. And good timing.
>> Kite surfing has been stopped at Kapiolani Park because of turf damage. Kite surfers will use the Honolulu stretch of the H-3 Freeway until the park ground is repaired.
Thanks for your help, fellas. We think if we enforce these very reasonable use rules, the ocean (and freeways) will be fun for everyone.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com