Alo-Ha! Friday
Chickens saved while
doctor gets the axIt probably would be wrong for Republicans to rush out a new television commercial before the election asking whether there's a connection between Democrats' optimism that they will continue to stay in power and Gov. Ben Cayetano's desperate attempt to strike a deal before the new year for the construction of new prisons. Surely the gov isn't suggesting there's not enough jail space for the new crop of political aspirants?
And now the news:
Acting not for chickens
BERLIN (Reuters) >> Two hens escaped public execution during performance of a play when animal lovers stormed the stage and saved the birds. The fowl were due to be killed as part of a performance of "The Slaughter of Two Chickens," by playwright Alf Poss.(Poss immediately set to work on his new effort, "The Lawsuit of a Bunch of Spoilsport Chicken-Huggers.")
Just a roll in the ... hey!
BERLIN (Reuters) >> A German schoolgirl has invented a "merciless bed" to ensure that sleepyheads get up in the morning. Iris Koser, 16, constructed a bed that gradually raises the mattress after an alarm rings, rolling the sleeper onto the floor.(See next item.)
Snoozing dawn to desk
BERLIN (Reuters) >> A German engineer has designed a desk that converts into a giant pillow at the push of a button so drowsy office workers can catch a quick snooze."At work I was often tempted to just lie down and take a nap," said inventor Matthias Knigge.
(Herr Knigge and Fraulein Koser are said to be collaborating on a couch that throws you in front of passing buses and a bookshelf that turns into an ambulance.)
No patience for patients
LONDON (What, Reuters? No more Berlin stories?) >> A British surgeon reported to have told a patient, "You have cancer, I have asthma, we all have to die sometime," has been barred from practicing medicine. The doctor, dubbed "a walking terror in a white coat" by the media, had a history of rude and bizarre behavior.(Lucky for the doctor, he gets to keep his Jack Kevorkian Bedside Manner Award.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
The U.S. Army is developing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a shelf life of three years. Say that line quietly to yourself several times and then take your Prozac and go to bed.Then read "Honolulu Lite" on Sunday to learn the horrifying implications of weaponized sandwiches on society.
Quote me on this:
"Being politically correct means always having to say you're sorry." -- Charles Osgood
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com