Honolulu Lite
‘Alo-Ha! Friday’ finds a new
home on the page"Alo-Ha! Friday" has found a new home, here on A2, among all the cool features like "Kokua Line." Some of you may not be familiar with "Alo-Ha! Friday" because it has been running in the features section of the newspaper since its inception. The goal of "Alo-Ha! Friday" is to help you start your weekend with a smile on your lips, a chuckle in your heart and an occasional groan in your belly.
"Alo-Ha! Friday" is not for the squeamish. With graceless jokes, alarming news items and patently fraudulent anecdotes, we push the limits of good taste in the name of entertainment. And we welcome any input from readers in the form of "true" tales, observances, waggeries and witticisms. Send items to the e-mail address below. Now the news:
A zoo with good taste
BERLIN (Reuters) >> Two zoo keepers in a small northwest German town have been suspended and put under police investigation for eating the zoo's animals.Police said the two had slaughtered and barbecued five Tibetan mountain chickens and two Cameroonian sheep.
(Authorities were also worried about a missing rhinoceros and thought they smelled zebra on the breath of the suspects.)
It's a dog's life in Iran
TEHRAN, Iran (Reuters) >> Dogs and their owners could become the latest target of a clampdown on moral corruption in Iran after a hard-line cleric called for all canines to be arrested. Dogs are reviled by Muslims for being "unclean.""I call on the judiciary to arrest all long-legged, medium-legged and short-legged dogs along with their long-legged owners," said cleric Gholamreza Hassani.
(Dwarves who own medium-long-legged dogs seem to be in the clear.)
Life's a pain for redheads
WASHINGTON (Reuters) >> Redheads may be more sensitive to pain then blondes or brunettes. Doctors say true redheads need about 20 percent more anesthesia than people with other hair colors. They think that redheads have a certain genetic variant that not only affects hair color, but pain threshold.(Doctors say that redheads who dye their hair blond not only are sensitive to pain, but confused about it.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
We are in that special season of the year I call "wimper." It's a lovely time when late summer heat combines with early winter rains turning the entire island population into steamed manapuas. In "Honolulu Lite" on Sunday, I'll tell you how to survive the Dog Days of Wimper.
Quote me on this:
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." -- Mark Twain
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com