’Net Junkie
Roadkill never been so tasty
Some products are just so outrageous, you cannot help but marvel at the impudence of their inventors. Take for instance, Roadkill Bar-B-Q Sauce (www.rbjb.com/rbjb/rk.htm), a funky bottled solution whose label is emblazoned with the slogan "If it tastes too strong, it's been dead too long." Suggested preparation instructions, according to the label, "Take roadkill from side of road. Remove asphalt, dirt, fur or feathers and any remaining innards. Pour on sauce, cook, enjoy."
It's an actual product of the Kansas-based Puddle Jumpers Inc., which also produces "Buffalo Whiz Primo Beer Barbecue Sauce." I assume the recipe contains neither Primo Beer nor buffalo, uh, extract, although the accompanying photo of its label is too small for me to determine its contents with any certainty.
Roadkill Bar-B-Q Sauce also happens to be the official sponsor of Roadkill Quarterly (www.collideascope.com/rkq), an online magazine devoted to sightings of those unfortunate critters whose squishy entrails end up in-between our car grilles and tire treads. (Editor: We in Hawaii have our own version of roadkill. It's just that we haven't taken it to a fine art like the people on the mainland.) The Web site's editor details a recent trek from Halifax to Cape Breton Island ("Usually a great route for raccoon, porcupine and skunk kills") and poses with what appears to be a deceased cat on the side of the Trans-Canada highway.
You'll find equally repulsive sights at www.filmtrips.com/html/gallery/roadkill.html, www.cardhouse.com/drcliff/studio/gallery/rk1.html and at Cy Kottick's Roadkill By Headlight photo gallery at www.cy-co.com/cykottick/flatten0.htm. Mr. Kottick at least had the foresight to provide a disclaimer on his home page, which reads: "I did not run over any of these animals. Someone else did. I just came along and took pictures of them."
If you're really long on time, try www.iconart.com/roadkillparty/game_frameset.html, an entertaining Frogger-like online video game in which you control a pack of cartoon dogs whose sole objective is to entice a wild-eyed, salivating human across a busy street by throwing T-bone steaks onto the roadway. You score points each time the moronic biped gets run over by oncoming traffic. After viewing a string of gory roadkill sites, it's quite refreshing to find one that allows the animal kingdom the last laugh.
’Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at slopes@starbulletin.com.
Note: Web sites mentioned in this column were active at time of publication. The Honolulu Star-Bulletin neither endorses nor is responsible for their contents.
