[ VOLLEYBALL ]
KEN IGE / KIGE@STARBULLETIN.COM
Four years after completing her eligibility at Nebraska, Fiona Nepo has her eyes on s spot on the national team.
There were at least 100 times a day when Fiona Nepo would question herself. Nepo sets herself up
for a comeback
By Grace Wen
gwen@starbulletin.comShe would wonder how her life had changed so drastically. She would question what she was doing.
How did she go from being an All-American setter at Nebraska to stay-at-home mom in an abusive relationship?
How did she just let things happen to her without shaping it in some way?
It wasn't normal. Setters, like quarterbacks, control the offense. They steer it a certain way. They don't just let things happen to their team. They make things happen.
But Nepo, an expert at running volleyball offenses, had not been taking charge of her own life.
It is only recently that she exorcised some personal demons to escape that life.
"It was the whole thing of coming and realizing that in order for me to do things, I had to be happy myself, take care of myself," said the University High and Nebraska alumna.
Nepo has started to rebuild her life, to take charge like she once did. She is setting again. She's lifting weights and training with a goal in sight. The USA national team has an open tryout in December.
Nepo wants to give volleyball another shot. She doesn't want her playing career to end with unfulfilled potential.
She still loves the sport. That love has never left her in spite of times when she just wasn't herself.
"I always wanted to play volleyball," Nepo said. "I remember when I was younger, I always wanted to play on the national team. And when my kids were old enough I wanted to refocus my goals."
NEPO DISAPPEARED from the volleyball scene after an illustrious career with the Cornhuskers. She was a three-time AVCA All-American, twice named to the first team. Her 4,824 assists are still the Nebraska career record and one that could go unchallenged for a while.
It is a remarkable number considering Nepo wasn't a four-year starter. Her freshman year, Nepo played behind former Nebraska All-American Christy Johnson, who guided the Huskers to a national title in 1995.
Nepo was handed the reins to the Husker squad the following spring and she didn't disappoint. The three-time captain directed Nebraska to two more final four appearances in 1996 and 1998.
Nepo ended her collegiate career a much-honored setter. The next logical step could have been with the national team, but life intervened.
"I pretty much got pregnant right after my senior year in college, so that pretty much got put on hold," said the 1994 Hawaii prep player of the year. "And then my other son came along, of course totally unexpected.
"When I was pregnant with my (oldest) son Savion and I found out ... I had it in my head that if I don't go now I didn't think I would have as good a chance. I pretty much kind of gave up on myself. I told myself I've been there, I'm going to try. But I ended up being a stay-home mom, watching the boys."
Nepo and her boyfriend stayed in Nebraska after Savion's birth while she finished her degree. She graduated in 2000 and the couple came back to Hawaii in early 2001.
Nepo didn't do much volleyball-wise except the occasional pick-up game at Paki Park while she worked at Toys R Us.
The birth of her two sons took a toll on her physical condition. But it was her relationship with her children's father that kept her from having the spirit to go back.
She won't give details about the relationship.
"I put so much time and effort into it. I wanted so much back but I didn't get it back," Nepo said. "Because I wasn't successful with it, I was trying so hard to make it. Why can't I make this work? I can't be doing everything."
For the first time, hard work didn't yield the return she wanted. She can't explain why she stayed so long or the contradiction that she was living.
The tears still seem on the verge of pricking her eyes when she talks about it.
"You figure I play sports, I'm a starting setter for a top-five team" Nepo said quietly. "I've been an All-American. I'm the team captain. If you're the person who everybody looks up to for leadership and then you have this other side ...
"It seems like a weak side compared to the other persona that I have on the court which is totally opposite. It kind of just boggles your mind. Every day I was asking, 'What the heck am I doing?'
"I wasn't doing anything. It was just a matter of trying to convince myself that it'll change. I love this guy. He can't really be doing this. I love him, he's gotta love me."
HER DAD, Salei, has been one of her biggest supporters. He reminds her, only half-jokingly, that she owes him "beyond millions" for her life.
And he's right. It was at the constant urging of her parents that she finally did something. They had told her, "Hurry up. Don't say it, just do it. What are you waiting for?"
"They were willing to help me out, but I think I just wasn't ready to step up and try," Nepo said.
The momentous occasion never came. Just an ordinary day that made her take action. Since leaving, Nepo feels no bitterness toward the father of her children. She said that he's a good father and a changed man.
"He's a great dad. He loves his kids," Nepo said. "He's changed since when we were a couple. He's changed for the better because of his kids. As far as us being a couple, I just never want to put myself back in that position."
She is positioning herself for other things. It's not easy to let go of a sport that you've been playing for 14 years. At 25, she knows she still has a chance.
Nepo e-mailed Olympian Robyn Ah Mow, a former Hawaii standout, to ask the best way to get to the national team. Ah Mow advised Nepo to attend the open tryout that USA Volleyball holds in conjunction with the final four. The e-mail was encouraging.
"I knew I wanted to try for myself and to put some closure on volleyball," Nepo said. "I want to quit it so I feel satisfied with what I've done. Now I'm hoping for some openings, nationally, professionally."
Nepo started training with Iolani boys coach Luis Ramirez a month ago. She was lifting weights at Chaminade and working out to get back in shape.
She also contacted Nebraska coach John Cook to see if she could come back and work with the team as a volunteer assistant.
The timing couldn't have been more perfect. Nebraska's backup setter, Michelle Lynch, was sidelined by a broken finger and couldn't play with the practice team. Cook told local papers that it was like having Tommie Frazier or Eric Crouch come back to help the football team.
Nepo left Honolulu last Thursday. Her parents will take care of her son.
In the last three years, Nepo has never questioned herself more. The questions haven't stopped, though they've changed direction.
Can she still do it? Has the gap in her career been too long?
Ramirez, a former setter for the Dominican Republic junior national team, doesn't think so. He said that if he was Nepo, he would really like his chances.
"She's really strong," Ramirez said. "What can you say about a former All-American? It's very little work (training her). It's mostly little adjustments here and there. She's going to do well."
And even if an invitation to train isn't extended, Nepo knows she's got her life back.
"I feel like I'm in control now. I'm back. It sounds like a cliché but I feel like I'm back to my old self," she said. "It's taken a lot to build myself back up mentally, emotionally.
"I'm pretty sure about my decision. I'll handle whatever comes my way. I'm not looking for somebody else to handle it."
