The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
Football widow
kicks in, wins
Last fall, I was a single married woman. Most of the time, my husband, Derek, sat in front of the TV like a zombie watching sports reports on the nightly news -- flipping from channel to channel, cursing commercials if he missed even one of the four reports -- and surfing the Web for all the statistics he could collect on his football team.Yes, he owned a football team. A fantasy football team.
Fantasy football gives fans who usually only watch their favorite team play once a week a reason to watch almost every weekend game. Fantasy teams consist of players from different teams so owners lay claim to New Orleans Saints quarterback Aaron Brooks, Seattle Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander and Miami Dolphins kicker Olindo Mare.
Fantasy football is a smite on good relationships. When I wanted to go out to dinner, I had to wait until Derek made sure San Francisco quarterback Jeff Garcia was healthy. When I wanted to see a movie, I had to wait until Derek checked his scores online.
This year, I vowed to not take it. This year would be different. This year, I'm playing fantasy football. I have my very own team in our friend Kibert's Warrior Pride League. Kibert thinks it's hilarious that Derek could lose to his wife. Derek doesn't think it's so funny.
Among macho teams named Broncos Rule, Colorado Wildcats and Hawaiian Warriors, I have the Funky Chickens. It doesn't sound like an intimidating team, but the Funky Chickens won their first game, much to my Derek's chagrin.
TO STAY IN the game, I consider Hector and Victor's projections on ESPN.com, I read depth charts to see whether my players are starting and I watch the injury reports. I'm not a football fan, although the fantasy league has given me a new perspective on the sport. I just figure that the best revenge on Derek for last year's neglect would be if I placed first in the league.
The fact that I won my first game and placed higher than him is already eating away at him. He watches me now instead of Sportscenter. "Enjoy it while it lasts," he said. "I'll be back next week."
I don't think so. Not with his team.
"Don't be upset if I beat you," he warned.
"I won't be upset, darling," I assured him sweetly. "I'd be more upset if you didn't beat me. After all, you're the lifelong fan. It wouldn't be fair if I beat you. It would be like losing to a child, don't you think?"
I was being sarcastic but honest. The reason I'm a Miami Dolphins fan is because, when I was a kid, I thought dolphins were cute. I like Keyshawn Johnson because of the work he does off-season for single moms, not because he's a great wide receiver. And Boo Williams, well, who wouldn't like a guy named Boo?
No, if I win this year, it won't be because of my keen judgment. It will be because the gods of revenge have smiled down on the Funky Chickens and a single married woman.
Genevieve A. Suzuki is a Star-Bulletin reporter. "The Goddess Speaks" runs Tuesdays. Submit work to "The Goddess Speaks," 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210, Honolulu 96813; or e-mail features@starbulletin.com
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