The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
Problems yes, but
married life prevailsThe state of marital bliss is in crisis, according to statistics that say one in two marriages ends in divorce. In my office, eight out of 17 of my co-workers are divorced, although most have remarried and are doing much better the second time around. Despite the gloomy forecast, I am a firm believer in the value of married life.
My husband's grandparents were married for more than 60 years. The first time I met Grandma and Grandpa, I was struck by their obvious devotion to each other. At the breakfast table I saw how tenderly Grandpa lined up all the pills Grandma needed to take with her morning meal. Grandpa and Grandma held hands when they walked together. I can still see the smile on Grandma's face when she gave me a photo of the two of them taken outside a folksy little diner. There they were, holding hands and grinning at the camera like two teenagers in love.
Oh, I know, Grandma and Grandpa had rough patches in their life together. But there was a lot of give and take, self-sacrifice, and most importantly -- love. They not only understood "for better or for worse," they lived it.
My mother-in-law made a profound statement about her own marriage.
"Dad drives me crazy," she said. "But I cannot imagine life without him."
Mom and Dad are such opposites. My mother-in-law is gregarious and always has a story to tell. My father-in-law is quiet and deliberate in choosing his words. My husband Bill once joked that his parents haven't spoken to each other in years. "Dad can't get a word in edge wise," he quipped. But despite their differences, Mom and Dad have a solid marriage that has lasted for more than 40 years.
BILL AND I are also opposites in a lot of ways. I am a take-charge, move-forward and ask-questions-later kind of person. Bill is analytical and makes decisions only after weighing all his options. I sometimes enjoy a good confrontation whereas Bill avoids them at all costs. But we do share the same weird sense of humor and can often laugh at life's foibles.
In the first few years of our marriage, Bill and I had to deal with unemployment, depression, a seriously ill child and the medical bills that went with that, and four moves in about as many years. Disappointment, broken trust, resentment and anger took its toll. At the lowest point in our marriage we seriously considered divorce. It would have been the second failed marriage for each of us.
Through the grace of God, wise counsel and prayers, and a healthy dose of humility, we were able to work through our difficulties. We can still get mad at each other. At times when we don't know how we are going to stretch what little money we have to pay the bills. And having two young children brings new meaning to the word "exhausted." But knowing that divorce is not an option brings a sense of security and motivates us to work things out. One day when they are older, I will tell my kids that, in good times and bad, I cannot imagine life without their daddy.
Bill and I have been married for seven years and I am glad to report that neither one of us has that infamous itch. We celebrated by taking our family out to dinner at our favorite little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant in Kaneohe. We raised our wine glasses and wished each other a happy anniversary as our two kids slurped their spaghetti and munched on garlic bread. It may not have been fancy or romantic, but considering where we had come from and where we are now, it was the best anniversary dinner we ever had.
Laurie Okawa Moore is communications officer at Hawaii Credit Union League. "The Goddess Speaks" is a Tuesday feature by and about women. If you have something to say, write "The Goddess Speaks," 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210, Honolulu 96813; or e-mail features@starbulletin.com
The Goddess Speaks is a column by and about
women, our strengths, weaknesses, quirks and
quandaries. If you have something to say, write it
and send it to "The Goddess Speaks," 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210, Honolulu 96813; or e-mail features@starbulletin.com.