PHOTO BY DENNIS ODA / DODA@STARBULLETIN.COM Curt Brandao, left, and Dennis Oda chomp into their sandwiches. Curt has the Burger King BK Veggie; Dennis, for comparison's sake, has a Whopper.

COMMENTARY
One of our fast-food guinea pigs was so taken by the experiment, or perhaps the futility of it all, that he was inspired to regurgitate, so to speak, a few thoughts.

---

Fast food:
Choices keep
saturated fat
under control

Less Filling, Tastes great!
Tasters' notes

---

By Curt Brandao
cbrandao@starbulletin.com

Fetching healthy fast food is a fool's errand. Not only will you not feel particularly healthy afterward, you'll be downright annoyed that you purposely missed out on all the fun that was oh-so-close.

The thing is, you can go to a fast-food restaurant and not pig out on fat and calories, the same way you can go to Mardi Gras and not catch any beads, or go to Disneyland and just sit on a bench all day ... you can do these things, but what's the point? Like Mardi Gras and Disneyland, a fast-food restaurant is no place to be responsible.

All day long we are asked to be, or at least pretend to be, adults, making serious, stern-brow decisions between 8 a.m. and noon, and again from 1 to 5 p.m. Lunchtime, then, is recess for our voracious inner children. The minute we get inside a fast-food joint, we're all 8-year-olds with $20 in our pocket, and we're going to go hog wild.

I know, I know, perhaps I should just speak for myself, but we obese or near-obese represent about half the nation's population, and no doubt three-fourths the nation's weight, so I really doubt I walk (breathlessly) alone.

At lunchtime, we have two enemies: The fast-food joint and our pre-adolescent selves. If we have a chance at all, we've got to even the odds. What we should do is have fast-food restaurants that are entirely low-fat; that is, a McDonald's Lite or a Burger King Lite. A place where, no matter how you decide to abuse yourself, you're doing it with foods that have, say, 30 percent less fat, because everything on the menu would be "adult-filtered."

Aside from getting in and out in minutes (because I'm sure the lines won't be long), we adults would feel healthier-than-thou just for walking in the door, surrounded by all our fellow deluded, health-nut-wannabe colleagues.

After all, the main problem isn't that healthy fast food is elusive, but that no one is really looking for it. Why must we sit in a corner with our low-fat homework when the other kids get to play? Grow up you say? Easier said than done in the heat of the moment, unless you walk out the door pouting (which is also rather childish, come to think of it).

But rather than corporate fast food taking the socially conscientious, if profitably ambiguous, "Lite Store" high road, at least one of the chains has upped the ante. Not only do they have medium, large and trough-sized value meals with only pennies difference in price, they now assume you're going to order the large and not the medium, at least in the drive-through. "That's the large No. 2 Meal with large fries and a large drink, right?" said the voice from the speaker, with an emphasis on "right?"

"No," I said rebelliously, "just the medium (already too big, experts agree)."

"Oh," comes the voice from the speaker, as if to say "puny, puny man! Why don't you just boil up some Ramen noodles or suck down some wheat germ? We've got serious eaters idling behind you ready to up-size to infinity!"

So, to sum up, Mardi Gras beads, Splash Mountain and Double Whoppers with Cheese, good; homework, chores and Chicken Whopper Jrs., bad. Eat fast food or stay away, grow up or grow out, but don't taunt your inner children with half-measures.

Man, talking about food has made me so hungry ...

---

BACK TO TOP
|

Tasters' notes

Our valiant panel of tasters spent a day eating exclusively off the list of suggestions from the Center for Science in the Public Interest. They all had the McDonald's Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait for breakfast, followed by a salad or sandwich off the list for lunch and dinner.

Tasters were Star-Bulletin staffers Dennis Oda and Curt Brandao and nutritionists Alan Titchenal and Joannie Dobbs.

McDonald's Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait

This was a favorite of the group although it was noted that the frozen fruit was sometimes too icy to eat.

Curt: "I thought it'd be sundae-size, but it was more the size of a large shake. I wouldn't say it was as tasty as a chocolate shake, but after eating it I no longer craved a shake, so it served as sort of a 'nicotine patch' (though best when taken orally). ... It took me about 10 minutes to unseal the granola from the top of the canister and apply it to the parfait, but eventually my two advanced degrees paid off."

Burger King Chicken Whopper Jr.

The Center for Science selected this as the best tasting of the grilled chicken sandwiches in fast-food land, but it was the least favorite of our tasters.

Curt: "What it lacked in taste it didn't make up for in size. It didn't seem healthy, either, perhaps because it was slathered in sauce designed to lubricate the arid chicken. And, unless you're going to surround this small sandwich with french fries, your stomach will be growling, 'Hey, what's up? I thought we had an understanding?' two or three hours later."

Burger King BK Veggie

Alan: "The veggie burger was good. It came with fresh crispy

lettuce and sliced tomatoes that added to the satisfaction. I could have used two of them."

Wendy's Mandarin Chicken Salad

Note that you're supposed to use just half the dressing. And if you go light on the nuts and crispy noodles, you'll cut lots of the remaining fat.

Dennis: "It's too bad Wendy's is so far from town. I'd order that again. The greens were fresh, the chicken was moist."

Subway Select Subs

These are the 6-inch low-fat Honey Mustard Ham, Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki and Red Wine Vinaigrette Club. To stay within the low-fat limit you must decline the mayonnaise, cheese and oil.

Curt: "The Subway sandwiches beat the Chicken Whopper Jr. to death as far as taste goes, especially the chicken teriyaki sub ... and it kept my stomach busy right up to its next feeding."

Click for online
calendars and events.