Honolulu Lite
Satire doesn’t always
fall on deft earsI should know better. After writing more than 1,500 Honolulu Lites (Some insist that's not writing, that's typing) over the past 10 years, the columns that draw the angriest responses are those in which I employ satire.
As I've pointed out before (Columns No. 233, 422 and 1207) there are many literary tools available to the humorist: Irony, exaggeration, understatement, hyperbole, sarcasm, facetiousness (not to be confused with the very unfunny "facist-iousness"), drollery, farce, slapstick (rarely attempted since physical humor is exceedingly difficult in the two-dimensional realm of a newspaper page), outright hostility and satire.
Satire and sarcasm are similar in that they both involve ridicule for the sake of humor. But while sarcasm is obvious (i.e. "Mayor Jeremy Harris is, like, soooooooo happy to be under grand jury investigation"), satire is less direct, veiled in linguistic camouflage, and designed to appear to be serious commentary (i.e. "Mayor Jeremy Harris is happy to be under grand jury investigation.") The first clearly communicates in mocking tone that the mayor is in fact, UNHAPPY about being under grand jury investigation, while the latter makes the reader work a bit harder to get the point that the mayor's righteously ticked off.
The trouble with satire is that if the reader doesn't understand you are joking, he/she thinks you're a complete lunatic.
Which is what happened when I suggested that Hawaii stop being a tourist destination because, as a young man's recent death at the Blowhole shows, the state is way too dangerous to be inviting guests.
To which "new Hawaii resident" Zach replied: "Before you write such ridiculous columns, especially ones that are aimed at the lifeline of Hawaii, I have a suggestion that I know they teach you to not do in journalism school. THINK, RESEARCH and don't be an idiot ... Without tourists Hawaii doesn't have much going for it."
I also suggested that the only water tourists from Kentucky are familiar with is the kind that comes in cubes and goes in glasses of bourbon. Zach helpfully pointed out that Kentucky has a number of bodies of water including the Ohio River and several lakes.
You'd think that my suggestion that we Quikrete closed both the Blowhole and Kilauea Volcano to make them safe for tourists would have been a clue I was just kidding about stopping tourists from coming here. (And I foolishly assumed people would know that I know that Kentucky has more than ice-cube-based water sources.)
But it's my fault for using satire when outright hostility would have been clearer. Zach, tourists have got to realize that Hawaii is not Disney World. There are many dangerous places here. We can't protect everyone who comes here. Visitors have to use common sense. It's not fair for Hawaii to be sued every time some nitwit decides to stick his tongue in lava to see what it tastes like.
There. We all clear on where I stand now? I'm extremely pro-tourist, or at least, extremely pro-tourist's money.
In closing, I'd like to say, honestly, that I really, really, really love readers like Zach and I soooooooo hope the satirically challenged keep reading this column. Really.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com