The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
DNA for wine uncorks
a new jug of grapesThey've finally gone and done it. French researchers believe they've discovered a way to identify a cheap bottle of wine from a premium version using DNA mapping.
As if the French weren't exclusive enough. Now we know for sure not to invite them to parties. I can just see Pierre administering his little test and declaring poor Ernest and Julio unfit for consumption.
And who knew that grapes had DNA? Does this mean we'll be able to clone good grapes and diminish the multitude of bad ones? Does this mean that I won't have a good reason to sneak free grapes at the supermarket, citing the need for a taste test?
But really, maybe this wine test is made just for people like me. Every time a server pours that sample glass of wine for me to taste, I feel like such a faker. Sniff, sniff, swish, swish. "Great!" I declare. "Tastes great!"
Really, every bottle of wine I've tried has "tasted great."
A LOT OF MY friends seem to know what they're doing when they try out a wine. At least they act like they do. My husband, Derek, is the best -- or worst -- of them all. He swishes the wine around in the glass, admiring its deep red color. He breathes in its aroma and lets out a sigh of pure ecstasy.
Like I said, the best faker of us all. After what feels like hours, he takes that very important taste. "You have to let it sit in your mouth," he says, drooling a little because he forgot just how long he was going to let it sit.
That's pretty classy, I smartly tell him. He can't say anything in return. He's letting it sit.
Then I've got other friends, like Aaron and Kristi, who rushed to one of those Make Your Own Bottle of Wine places to create ultrapersonal gifts. I give them credit. It's hard enough for me to make Tang.
Derek and I, being the experienced wine connoisseurs we are, drank our Christmas-gift bottle after a month of arguing whether it's for real or not.
"Mmm, sweet," he said, drooling again once we uncorked it. Letting it sit really doesn't work for him.
We called our friends to give our compliments to the people who Made Their Own Bottle of Wine.
"Wow, you guys are the only ones who drank it. Everyone else is saving it," they marveled as we looked guiltily at the empty bottle in the trash.
"So what did you think?"
Where is that French expensive-wine detector when you need it? I wonder if it suggests sophisticated comments to use during wine tasting.
"Great," I said after searching my brain for a suitably flowery description and coming up empty.
"Tasted great."
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