Honolulu Lite
Prostitution is
a harlot’s web
of contradictionsProstitution is the only profession where practitioners have to learn both the tricks of the trade and the trade of the tricks. Maybe "practitioner" isn't the best way to describe those who rent out their bodies for the sexual satisfaction of others. One could argue that a woman who is paid to satisfy the glandular urges of men several times a night isn't practicing, but has the enterprise down to an irrefutably successful vocation. On the other hand, if attorneys can engage in the "practice of law," why can't prostitutes engage in the "practice of sex," especially since the two professions are so similar in scope and effect?
The subject of sex for money comes up, so to speak, because of news from Los Angeles that police may begin seizing the cars of men arrested for soliciting prostitutes and holding the cars for 30 days. (There's another striking verbal anomaly associated with the sex trade. Why is it called "soliciting" when a guy picks up a prostitute? It makes it sound like he's doing something more sophisticated than simply asking for sex. "Good evening, madam. Might I make a formal application for 15 minutes of your professional services in the back seat of my Yugo?" Please. He's not soliciting, he's buyin' booty. Although, it is interesting that once again we have a nexus between prostitutes and lawyers. In England, lawyers are called "solicitors." So if you get caught soliciting a London lady of the night, you then have to solicit a solicitor. It's all so very ... solicitous.)
Anyway, the L.A. City Council is considering passing a law that would allow police to impound the automobiles of men arrested for hiring prostitutes.
This seems patently unfair. Not because the "johns" would lose their rides whether they are convicted or not, but because it obviously discriminates against men who have to buy sex on the street over rich guys who can order their sex delivered to their home, office or hotel room, like a pizza.
If you are going to seize a fellow's car simply for paying a woman for sex, then you had better start seizing guys' houses when they pay big bucks to have intimate relations in their personal domiciles. Wait a second. That already happens. I think it's called "divorce."
The Los Angeles car-seizure plan is just the latest attempt to solve the age-old problem of stopping prostitution. Trying to solve the prostitution problem is like trying to solve the mystery of pi, and it involves just as many digits. Honolulu police have tried to get rid of prostitution in Waikiki forever, and nothing they do has worked. (I've suggested the best way to end prostitution in Hawaii is to legalize it. If prostitutes were forced to abide by all the restrictions imposed on other island small business -- taxes, fees, workers' comp, permits, etc. -- they'd be out of business in a week.)
Some cities publish photos of "johns" in the newspaper and on the Internet to scare others from approaching prostitutes. Some cities impose harsh fines on both sexual participants. But nothing seems to work.
Prostitution has been around since Adam and Eve were booted out of paradise. They don't call it a trade of tricks for nothing.
(And to the legion of female readers out there, I was just kidding about the "divorce" crack. Honest.)
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com