’Net Junkie

Shawn "Speedy" Lopes

If you have a
big gut, flaunt it

It happens to the best of us. Blame it on Budweiser, a lifetime of late-night snacking or bad genetics, but if you're like most Americans, sooner or later, you'll find yourself in an uphill battle of the bulge. Sure, we shell out a couple hundred bucks for a gym pass when we feel we can no longer a) deal with unwanted weight gain or b) hide it. But inevitably, we stop working out, revert to our bad habits and start the whole agonizing process over again.

Others have found an easier solution: Let nature run its course, and allow your waistline to expand to mammoth proportions. Who knows -- it could land you on the Internet someday with your monstrous gut on display for the entire cyber-universe to see.

I stumbled upon while searching for wacky, way-out Internet sites, and I must say, this one takes the cake. Literally hundreds of submissions litter this Web site with photos of shirtless men proudly displaying their freakish abdominal protrusions.

Click on Biker_belly's profile, for example, and you'll learn that he's a 45-year-old bus driver from Illinois who is attracted to chubby women. He submitted three photos of his gut, along with measurements of his belly both standing (48 inches) and sitting (53 inches). The chicks are just lining up to get a glimpse of this Midwestern he-man, I'm sure.

For a brief second, I was convinced that the photos posted by LilBigBear were doctored to produce a more dramatic effect, but soon realized they were 100 percent genuine. He credits Chinese food for his astounding profile.

The (somewhat) tasteful people at Bellybuilders thankfully blurred out the naughty bits on photos submitted by El Paso Fatboy, a 25-year-old restaurant manager who, for some reason, felt the need to pose in and out of a pair of white briefs. Be forewarned, this particular contribution might be funny, but it sure ain't pretty!

It soon dawned on me that the overwhelming majority of the site's posters admitted to being attracted to other big-bellied dudes. That's when I figured I was going too deep into this thing than I'd realized, and instinctively back-buttoned myself out of there. I guess some things are just too weird, even for a professional 'Net Junkie like myself!

’Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at

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