GEORGE F. LEE / GLEE@STARBULLETIN.COM
The Rev. Al Miles, Hospital Ministry Department coordinator at the Queen's Medical Center, took a crisis call Wednesday in his office. The cover of his book on domestic abuse is shown below.
Abuse’s blinding plank Scan any worshipping congregation at services tomorrow, and somewhere in the crowd there may be a victim of domestic abuse. And the abuser may very well be sitting in the same pew and be viewed as a pillar of the church.
Churches must face domestic
violence within their doors,
the Rev. Al Miles saysBy Mary Adamski
madamski@starbulletin.comIt's a social problem and also a religious one, says the Rev. Al Miles, a scandal to which clergy and church leaders often turn a blind eye. Very often they use Christian and Hebrew scriptures to justify physical and emotional abuse within a family, he said.
"No one stands up in the pulpit and preaches, 'Go out and do violence,'" said the minister, who is more likely to encounter victims in a hospital than in church. Miles works for the Pacific Health Ministry as coordinator of the Hospital Ministry Department at the Queen's Medical Center.
"It is irresponsible on the part of Christian leaders not to confront the abuser. It is not only criminal, it is sinful," he said.
"When I speak to a crowd and ask, 'Do you know anyone who was abused?' everybody stands. Yet if I talk to pastors, they will say, 'No one in my congregation has been abused.' We tend to excuse the male.
"I understand the messiness of domestic violence," said Miles, and what a struggle it is for a pastor to acknowledge it exists.
"If I'm a pastor and that man is a pillar of the church, and all of a sudden I'm hearing this story I don't want to hear ... it's going to make me nervous. What tends to happen with clergy is a denial that there is a major problem. It's easier to blame the woman."
He points out in a new book that both Hebrew Scripture and the Christian Bible arise from a male-centered historical perspective. Some churches have institutionalized those ancient patriarchal systems, and even in modern churches, particular scriptural passages "are lifted up to the exclusion of other texts that clearly affirm mutual respect between the sexes."
Miles' book "Violence in Families: What Every Christian Needs to Know," published by Augsburg Books, a Lutheran publishing house in Minneapolis, will be available here Aug. 15 at Barnes & Noble Booksellers and Logos Bookstore.
He is also the author of "Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know" published in 2000, and is frequently invited to speak on the subject.
Miles' seminary training was at Anderson University School of Theology in Indiana, and he was ordained in the Church of God in 1983. In his book he examines scriptures and religious writers as well as social services resources.
The reality of abuse comes alive in interviews with victims and abusers, including some Hawaii residents. The book's title is personal for Miles in one story of a young woman who ended up in the emergency room with a broken jaw from a beating: "She is my younger sister."
Miles said that according to national statistics, one in every four women will be abused by an adult intimate partner at least once in her life. About 2 million women in the United States from both sides of the economic ladder are domestic violence victims each year, and "even that is underreported."
Ana Maring, a crisis counselor at the domestic violence drop-in center at Kailua Police Station, endorsed Miles' viewpoint. She said: "Religion is a barrier for people. They use scriptures to keep a victim in a relationship. I often hear that scriptural quote, 'A woman should submit to her husband.' We talk about that a lot, especially if the partner is higher up in a church."
Miles' first book drew howls from many clergymen whose immediate response was to quote some of those favorite Bible texts. One is Jesus' admonition to "turn the other cheek" in response to a persecutor. Most popular is this sentence from St. Paul's letter to the Ephe- sians: "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord."
But Miles explains the passage begins with "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" and continues with "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church," and later, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies."
The misuse of that citation "sets up the scenario for a man to make demands. What that does is hurt the man as well, who misses the benefit of a partner who is equal in all. That's what a Christian marriage is: mutual respect and mutual love."
He told clergy audiences that "in no circumstance does a woman ever deserve to be abused.
"I say, only the abuser makes the choice to abuse. Domestic violence is not an anger issue, it's about power and control. We don't do enough to hold batterers responsible. He calls himself a man of God ... while he is cursing, raping, battering the woman he promises to love.
"The common thread is that Christian women feel trapped by religious doctrine. We trap them in the hell they are living in. They are told they did something to provoke it ... and they are not believed. ... That's why women will go to a service provider and not to the church."
Miles wants clergy to become aware of the problem, but also to recognize they aren't trained to deal with it and to work with community service agencies that can provide shelter, safety, and financial and legal help.
"I've seen Christian leaders do nothing and look the other way ... or try to do everything. We're not qualified to do these things. I've worked in hospitals for 20 years, but I'm not qualified to pick up a scalpel.
"When clergy try to counsel a victim or a perpetrator, there is a lot of risk to the victim, and there can be risk to the clergy and the congregation. Couples counseling is not appropriate when there is domestic violence. It's not a marital spat; it's about establishing and maintaining power and control."
He is booked to speak in Harlem, Detroit, Milwaukee and Orange County, Calif., during October, National Domestic Violence Month. He accepts about eight speaking engagements a year, declining most invitations because "I have another calling" in his ministry to patients and staff at Queen's. Miles was recently invited by the U.S. Department of Justice Violence Against Women Office to review applications for education and technical assistance training grants.
Miles got started on this course about 20 years while, as a chaplain at Children's Hospital of St. Paul, Minn., he began to recognize that children brought in with bruises and broken bones allegedly from "accidents" were victims of violence in their homes.
"I've been given a lot of expertise by God, and I need to use it to help men to stop abusing and destroying their families."
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Dealing with domestic abuse
There are several opportunities each year for clergy and church members to learn about dealing with domestic violence. The Rev. Al Miles will be among the speakers at the following:
>> Sept. 14: 9:30-11:30 a.m., Queen's Medical Center, Mabel Smythe Auditorium. Queen's will sponsor a seminar on "Violence Against Women: Empowering Women Victimized by Domestic Violence Through Safety and Healing." Dr. Willie J. Parker will also speak at the workshop, which is free and open to the public.
>> Sept. 20: 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., Buddhist Study Center, 1436 University Ave. "Response to Domestic Violence" training for clergy, lay counselors and professionals will be sponsored by the Interfaith Network Against Domestic Violence, Honpa Hongwanji Betsuin Hawaii office of Buddhist education and Samaritan Counseling Center. The $25 fee includes lunch and refreshments. Call the Rev. Mari Sengoku, 522-9212, for reservation information.
>> Oct. 12: 8 a.m. to 12:30 p.m., St. Christopher's Episcopal Church, 93 N. Kainalu St., Kailua. A workshop on "Domestic Violence: What Every Congregation Should Know" is free and open to the public. Also speaking will be Ana Maring, crisis counselor at the Puu Honua domestic violence drop-in center at Kailua Police Station. To make reservations for child care, call 262-1053.
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calendars and events.
