KEN IGE / KIGE@STARBULLETIN.COM
"If you believe that at a certain age you're gonna be over the hill, you will be over the hill. So much of our experience comes from deeply held belief systems," author Suzy Allegra said. She signed copies of her book, "How to Be Ageless," at Borders Books & Music in Kahala Mall last week.
Author charts Suzy Allegra understands the importance of change. After teaching elementary school for 20 years, she felt drained and decided to make a career switch, becoming a motivational speaker on -- what else? -- the power of change, transforming organizations and transforming people.
a course for
agelessness
Her new book debunks the notion
that only the young can find joyBy Nadine Kam
nkam@starbulletin.comAt a certain point, she rechristened herself with the surname Allegra because its meaning, "lively, merry, cheerful," meshed well with her sunny attitude.
But there was one change that threw this usually upbeat woman -- who worked with large organizations such as Hewlett-Packard, Bank One, the city of Los Angeles and Kaiser-Permanente -- into a state of depression.
"I was 47 and on a business trip in Europe. I was jet-lagged, sleep-deprived, and I stumbled to the bathroom, and when I looked in the mirror I was shocked," she said. "Who was this old hag I was looking at?
"That sent me on a year-and-a-half funk. I was really bothered by the idea of turning 50."
At that point, she gave up, no longer caring about how she looked or socializing. She spent a lot of time alone and crying, when it occurred to her to put her own words into practice.
"I was teaching organizations and individuals to cope confidently with changes in the marketplace and I recognized that the same strategies and principles applied to my own aging changes, and I knew I had to change my attitude."
To help others cope with aging, she's written an easy-to-digest book, "How to be Ageless: Growing Better, Not Just Older!" (Celestial Arts paperback, $14.95), while acknowledging hers is a message we're unaccustomed to hearing.
From clothing shown on size 2 models to businesses that covet young, inexpensive employees over higher-paid older workers, to media delivering content by teenagers for teenagers, society conspires to make anyone over 30 feel over the hill. To be over 50 is to be invisible and irrelevant to a large segment of the population.
Meanwhile, the joke is that no one is really enjoying their place in life. Even as elders idealize youth, younger generations take their developing years for granted, waiting to get out of school for "real life" to begin so they can become 30-year-old success stories.
"It's really important to enjoy the moment," said Allegra, who was signing copies of her books here last week.
"When we reminisce about our teen or young- adult years, we think we want to be that age again, but what we're really doing is romanticizing and idealizing our youth, and it really wasn't that great. Sure we had good times, but we were struggling to make ends meet, trying to be like wealthier people we saw, and not really knowing who we were.
"Then we get to a certain age -- for some it's in their 30s, for some it's in their 60s -- when we start to realize, 'I like who I am. It's OK to wear elastic pants and not worry what the Joneses think. We become more accepting of ourselves and our lives."
ALTHOUGH blessed with a positive attitude from her youth, Allegra said she doesn't buy into the notion of looking at life only from the perception of a glass half-full. She's willing to look at the empty half, too.
"We can't ignore the bad things that are out there. That would be like living with your head in the sand. There will be parts of your life that are not working and you have to acknowledge that and not be afraid to step out into something new."
For Allegra, that's meant leaving the security of a 15-year marriage and 20-year teaching career when they no longer worked for her. At 53, she is unmarried, but doesn't worry that men her age are only after younger women.
"I believe that when I'm ready, the right man will show up," she said. "People don't realize how much their attitude shapes their belief system. If you believe that you won't find a man willing to date you at a certain age, you won't. If you believe that at a certain age you're gonna be over the hill, you will be over the hill. So much of our experience comes from deeply held belief systems."
WHILE SOME MAY regard the notion of altering one's attitude as merely a psychological placebo, research from the National Institute on Aging confirms that a positive attitude about aging leads people to live longer.
Just yesterday, Yale University researchers confirmed in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology what Allegra has been saying the last five years. Becca Levy, an assistant professor of epidemiology and public health at Yale, said, "Individuals who reported more positive self-perceptions of aging demonstrated significantly longer survival than those who had negative self-perceptions."
The Yale researchers found a positive attitude extends a person's life span by an average of 7.5 years, more than the four years gained from having low blood pressure and low cholesterol levels, and more than the one to three years gained from maintaining a healthy weight, abstaining from smoking or exercising regularly.
Allegra, for one, is willing to accept the bad with the good aspects of aging. "I have saggy skin and thighs that bunch out on top of my knees, but I'm working out and have really strong muscles.
"We've all met people in their 60s, 70s and 80s, and their eyes just shine. Those are ageless people," Allegra said. "The secret to being ageless is to do what excites you in life. If you wake up bored with life, you're not ageless. Joy can come at any time, but you have to find it. It's not gonna find you. And if it's not your job that you love, find an avocation, a hobby you can pursue in off hours."
In Hawaii, she said, we're lucky to hear a double message. While we get the Western message that youth is good, many of us come from Pacific and Asian cultures that value the knowledge of elders. But with each generation, that message becomes less audible, and society's attitude about aging will change only if the aging start accepting themselves as is.
"The Baby Boomers have changed every decade they've lived through and they have the power to change the attitude of how we cope with aging," Allegra said. "But the problem is, a majority of my peers have not accepted that they are aging. As a result, plastic surgery is up 77 percent. Botox parties are making the news everywhere.
"I hear about women in their 30s getting Botox and it shocks me," Allegra said. "We have to change the way we view aging in our culture because if these girls in their 20s and 30s are doing that, what's going to happen to them when the reach my age 30 years later?
"I'm not going to criticize because it does help some people's self-esteem, but when we see everyone doing it, we think, 'Oh, gee, it's not OK to have wrinkles. It's not OK to be a vibrant and alive person if you don't also look young.'
"It's important to be youthful (in outlook), but not deny that your body's aging. Surgery is just a Band-Aid which makes you feel good about yourself temporarily, but that feeling won't last long if you don't accept your aging. If you're struggling with it internally, you won't be happy no matter what you do with your face."
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