Honolulu Lite
Thank goodness Andy Anderson is running for governor. He's adding a little spice to an otherwise terminally boring campaign season. I can't wait until the mud starts flying as election day approaches. This may seem selfish, but if candidates aren't going to generate some sizzling column material, what good are they? Andy Anderson bets on
fruit-flavored gamblingAndy's trying to make the race interesting, coming up with ideas for a "Pineapple Lottery." I'm not sure what the difference is between a "Pineapple Lottery" and a regular old "Blow Your Paycheck On A Hopeless Long Shot Lottery," but it sounds friendlier. What comes after a "Pineapple Lottery"? "Mango Dog Racing"? "Banana Blackjack"? "Guava Slots"? Andy, you go, boy!
And now the news:
Enjoying frills of victory
DUBLIN (Reuters) >> A Gaelic football team was disbanded after players were caught on hotel security cameras playing pool naked in a late-night drinking session.A tabloid carried pictures of Roscommon footballers playing pool nude in a Londonderry hotel after a friendly match against Donegal. One player also was seen roaming around the hotel in frilly lace knickers.
(Football just makes manly men want to do manly things.)
Not a high-brow eatery
LONDON (Reuters) >> British police are hunting for a thug who bit off a man's eyebrow and possibly ate it after a drunken fight near a kebab van.A police spokesman said the attack was unprovoked and it was possible the assailant was drunk and merely hungry for a fight.
(Or, he was merely hungry and just didn't like the kebabs.)
Cuddly koalas seeing red
SYDNEY (Reuters) >> Koalas killed by cars are to be painted fluorescent red and left on the side of roads for 24 hours in a shock tactic to make Australian motorists drive more carefully through the marsupials' breeding grounds.(So as not to confuse motorists, pedestrians hit in crosswalks will be painted bright green.)
Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
Do I go with the story of the cannibals of the Ukraine or the blind psychic who "reads" people's buttocks? Would readers rather hear about the Iranian murderer sentenced to be thrown off a cliff in a sack or learn of a donkey biting off a Moroccan boy's very personal appendage? Choosing the perfectly strange news items that appear here in "AloHa Friday" is not easy in today's weird world. On Sunday, I'll tell you how the tough decisions are made.
Quote me on this:
"There's a new telephone service that lets you test your IQ over the phone. It costs $3.95 a minute. If you make the call at all, you're a moron. If you're on the line for three minutes, you're a complete idiot." -- Jay Leno
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com