Sidelines
The best seat in the house
is in your houseCOME, watch pay-per-view my house. I won't search you. You can bring your own bento, you can keep your potentially dangerous items, like the cap for your water bottle. You can bring your purse. Backpacks. Coolers. Leis. It's all OK.
I'll even put Fieldturf down on the living room carpet, if it's really that important to you. We're getting a great deal. Something about another client not coming through at the last minute.
And anybody who gives me extra money -- a surcharge, a premium donation, if you will -- can sit on the good couch. I call it "scaling the house."
Yes, those are advertisements placed conspicuously next to the television. But hey, keep in mind, I'm not getting any parking revenue.
We have no jumbo screen for the dot races, Price Busters ads and public service announcements. That's the only downside. But if you bring a 12-pack, there's a chance me and my brother might reenact the famous Lanai and Augie "Noh Foods" kung fu slap fight commercial at halftime.
A TEAM THAT already regularly plays in front of more than 11,000 empty seats (and that's with the first Hawaii game against BYU since 1998 spiking the numbers) is giving its fans a chance to stay home and still see the games live.
There will be a lot of people ready to take UH up on it.
Short term, it's a short route to some quick cash. In the long run, it might become too big a success.
It's too easy. TV has become too good. The couch too convenient. The remote too addicting. The freedom too inviting. You have to be tough to actually go to the games. It's frustrating out there. It's draining. It takes patience and stamina and effort. It's not an evening out -- it's climbing a mountain.
And on a good night, the view at the top is breathtaking.
Nothing beats the excitement of the live experience. If you can get motivated to get out of the recliner, that is.
Have we really become so lazy? In a word, it depends. It depends if we really want to sit in traffic (sit in traffic ... sit in traffic ... sit in traffic). Pay for parking, while sitting in traffic. Stand in line, after sitting in traffic. Have our one small bag searched. After sitting in traffic.
It depends on how your commute has been all week, and if you're ready for more. It depends -- maybe you've flown lately -- on what your current mood about "security" is. It depends on if you just kind of want to see a game or if you're willing to make a commitment.
Now you don't have to.
And that's a dangerous thing. Sure, UH will rope in a few of the casual fans, the once- or twice-a-year crowd (and the neighbor islands, where the people don't want to hear about how hard it is to get off your okole and attend a game) and tap some new revenue. The potential problem comes when the die-hards decide to take a week off -- because now they can -- and decide they like it.
Despite what we've believed all of our sports-loving lives, yelling at the TV doesn't help your team win.
UH has to hope that pay-per-view is good, but not too good. Otherwise, for more and more people, going to a UH football game might turn into a once-a-year thing.
TV is easy, and most human beings tend to do what's easy most of the time. Pay-per-view parties are already being planned. Divide it up and it's cheap. Invite the gang and it's fun. But now it will take even more of an effort than ever to work up the determination to climb that mountain.
No, nothing beats the live experience, but that Barcalounger is calling with its siren song.
Kalani Simpson can be reached at ksimpson@starbulletin.com