Honolulu Lite

CHARLES MEMMINGER

ALO-HA FRIDAY

Family ties can leave
history in bind

The head of the University of Hawaii's Hawaiian Studies program has asked a local screenwriter to stop writing the script for an upcoming movie on the life of King Kamehameha the Great. Lilikala Kame'eleihiwa says the movie shouldn't be made until a Hawaiian writes the script, a Hawaiian-owned movie company makes the movie and an actual descendant of Kamehameha plays the lead role.

The idea, I suppose, is that Hawaiians would treat their kinsman with more dignity and aloha than non-Hawaiians. But would Kamehameha really want his story told by, say, the ousted Bishop Estate trustees who enriched themselves on the backs of poor Hawaiians or Office of Hawaiian Affairs trustees who spend most of their time tearing each other apart in public?

Just a thought. Now the news:

Bottoms a psychic asset

BERLIN (Reuters) >> A blind German psychic claims he can read people's futures by feeling their naked buttocks. Ulf Buck, 39, claims that people's backsides have lines like those on the palm of the hand, which can reveal their character and destiny. The different shapes of buttocks can indicate whether a person is dynamic, creative or down-to-earth.

"I'm not a new-age freak" he said. "I treat people with great care and conscientiousness."

("Now, drop those trousers!")

Hitler still brews trouble

HONG KONG (Reuters) >> A popular coffee shop apologized for posting in its shops a "thought for the day" by Adolf Hitler. Pacific Coffee shops posted Hitler's line "The victor will never be asked to tell the truth" on wall blackboards.

(A company official said the intended quote was "The victor will never be asked to tell a decaf latte from a cappuccino.")

This yogi hard to bear

NEW YORK (Reuters) >> Guru Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, who brought Transcendental Meditation to the West 40 years ago, said he can create world peace for only $1 billion. For that amount of money he says he could train 40,000 meditators, or "Vedic Pandits," who would generate enough good vibes to save the world.

(Or, for $374.45, he'll hum "Kumbaya" and bring much-need rain to the greater Mendocino area.)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday:

A candidate for City Council prints an alleged endorsement from Honolulu Lite in her campaign pamphlet. Find out who this poor soul is in Sunday's Honolulu Lite and whether she has unknowingly activated the notorious "Honolulu Lite Political Kiss of Death."

Quote me on this:

"The dead bird does not leave the nest." -- An aging William Churchill, when told that his fly was open.

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Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com

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