Honolulu Lite
A reader e-mails the following story: A local guy, we'll call him Kimo, is walking to his car near Lake Wilson in Wahiawa carrying a bucket full of fish when he's approached by a police officer. The cop asks if he has a permit to catch the fish, because if he doesn't, he's going to have to pay a big fine. True fish tale smells
a bit suspicious"Oh, I nevah catch these fish," Kimo says. "These my pet fish. They stay trained. I bring 'em down here, let 'em go in the lake, they swim around and then come back to the bucket."
The cop doesn't believe him.
"Come, bruddah," Kimo says. "I show you."
He goes to the shore and empties the fish into the lake. They stand looking at the water for several minutes. Finally the cop says, "So, when are they going to come back to the bucket?"
"Who?" Kimo asks.
"The fish! When are the fish going to come back?"
Kimo says, "What fish?"
(Management does not vouch for the veracity of the above story, but heartily welcomes any similar submissions.)
And now the news:
Otters utter oddities
LONDON (Reuters) >> Two Canadian otters at a sanctuary in Scotland have been placed under protection from aggressive local otters who are confused by their "foreign accents.""Dialects are common in animal communications," a university animal specialist said. "It's difficult for these Canadian otters to communicate with the native ones."
(As one Canadian otter put it: "It's hard tellin' what these fellas are talking a-boot, aye?")
The truth is down there
BUENOS AIRES (Reuters) >> Recent mutilations of cattle and horses in the Argentine countryside were the work of rodents, not ritualistic slayings by extraterrestrials or vampires as some farmers feared, scientists said.(The rodents were said to stand about 3 feet high, have large, bulbous heads and utter things like, "We come in peace. Take us to your heifer.")
Winning this is the pits
CHICAGO (Reuters) >> San Antonio has been named the Sweatiest City in the United States by a deodorant company. Runners-up included New Orleans, Houston and Dallas.San Antonio residents lose more than 1 liter of sweat per hour while exercising, the study found.
(Finally, a national study Honolulu can be happy it was left out of.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
Forget charging a deposit on bottles and cans, how about putting a deposit on junked cars? Or at least a bounty. The streets would be clear of these rusting hulks in one weekend.
Quote me on this:
"I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and buy her a house." -- Lewis Grizzard
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com