Honolulu Lite
Native Hawaiians meet the news that a major motion picture will be made about their history with the same trepidation that one has when going in for a colon examination: You hope for the best but expect a certain amount of discomfort, if not outright pain. The Rock is ready
to roll as The KingHollywood's track record at portraying Hawaiians as anything other than the cliché "happy islanders" is as bad as its track record for portraying every other ethnic minority as cultural stick figures.
So the announcement that Sony Pictures plans to make a movie on the life of King Kamehameha the Great elicits both great excitement and great suspicion. The announcement was made by none other than wrestling superstar Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who has been tapped to play the king who united all the Hawaiian islands.
In one sense, it's a great pick. The Rock looks like Kamehameha. At least, he looks like the Kamehameha statue in front of the old court house, which may or may not look like the real Kamehameha at all. Choosing The Rock to play the king means that the movie will be a big-budget production in the vein of The Rock's two other screen credits: "The Scorpion King" and "The Mummy Returns." If those two pictures are any indication of what the Kamehameha flick will be like, look for lots of high-tech special-effects action. This isn't going to be your tutu's Kamehameha.
Which will cause some native Hawaiians to clinch up in dread. Will this Kamehameha be the real thing or Jean Claude Van Damme in a feather headdress kicking okole from Papakolea to Poipu?
Already you hear grumbling from the Hawaiian community that a Hawaiian actor was not picked to play Kamehameha. The Rock is Samoan, which in the world of movie-making is close enough.
Hollywood has come a long way since it cast haoles to play Chinese detective Charlie Chan. Local actor Jason Scott Lee played kung fu king Bruce Lee in "Enter the Dragon" with chilling, "chicken skin" accuracy. But as good as that movie was, it wasn't a blockbuster.
Unfortunately, even if real Hawaiians such as activist Bumpy Kanahele could pull off playing Kamehameha in a movie, he couldn't pull in a fraction of the audience that The Rock can. Kamehameha might have been a king in Hawaii, but in Hollywood, money wears the crown.
And considering the alternatives, there are many worse choices. The Adam Sandler, comes to mind. Or The Konishiki. Or The Woody Allen. Although Woody Allen would bring a certain wacky cerebral quality to King Kamehameha: "If we have to chase those guys off the Pali, can't we at least put mattresses or something at the bottom of the cliffs? I mean, they're having a bad day. And this war club is really heavy. Don't you have, like, a nine-iron or something?"
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com