’Net Junkie
It was once the haircut of choice for Eastern European hockey players (Jaromir Jagr, anyone?), South American soccer stars (¡Hola, Gabriel Batistuta!) and heralded heroes of Major League Baseball (Randy Johnson -- yeah, you!). For years, it was mandatory for every pro wrestler and country music star. Celebs like Mel Gibson, Patrick Swayze, Jerry Seinfeld and John Stamos were big endorsers. The mullet, that ghastly excuse for a hairdo was all the rage in the late '80s and early '90s, when STLB (short top, long back) was considered the ultimate in rebel chic. Can the mullet; the dumb
’do is way uncoolWhy anyone wanted this whacked-out look is beyond me. I'm amazed that I still catch fleeting glimpses of the cut, as die-hard offenders zoom by in the beds of monster trucks or pressed against the windows of the No. 40 bus. This is a style that refuses to die quietly.
A trip through the Web uncovers dozens of sites dedicated to the dowdy 'do. Of these, mulletlovers.com, mulletjunky.com, and mullet.co.uk are the most entertaining and informative.
While the mullet's history is difficult to trace, some refer to Grand Royal magazine, launched by the Beastie Boys in the early '90s as being the first to give the cut a name. Other popular monikers are "The Ape Drape," "Neck Blanket," "Kentucky Waterfall," "Alabama Shag," "Camaro Cut, "Mud Flap," "Beaver Paddle" and my favorite, "The Achey-Breaky-Big-Mistakey." So enduring was the mullet that it outlasted Billy Ray Cyrus' career.
Most thought the look began in the '80s with mousse-mad pop bands like Kajagoogoo and Duran Duran, yet Web photos remind us that Rod Stewart and David Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust-era sported what might be called "proto-mullets" in the 1970s. You could even go back to the 1800s. Ever seen a portrait of Buffalo Bill? Business on top, party in the back, dude.
Of course, there are variations. There's the popular rat-tail, favored by adolescents and gangster wannabes. The worst, however, is the "skullet," an abominable hairstyle marked by a single patch of hair at the back of the head. This seems to be the preferred look for men with hair-follicle and brain-cell deficiency.
My advice: Get with the times and go short. After all, when the end of the world comes, are you siding with Stone Cold Steve Austin and Mike Tyson or the casts of "Full House" and "Saved by the Bell"?
That's what I thought.
Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at slopes@starbulletin.com.