Honolulu Lite

CHARLES MEMMINGER

[ALO-HA FRIDAY]

’Tis the season to be jailee
for Scrooge Rene

Dang. Now I know why I never got any Christmas cards from former City Councilwoman Rene Mansho. According to court documents made public this week when Mansho was sentenced to a year in the clink for corruption, Mansho told her secretary not to send Christmas cards to "rubbish" people who didn't have clout.

That hurts. In fact, court documents show that Rene had quite a bit of disdain for the "rubbish" people she worked for and who worked for her. I guess it's true: The beauty of being able to step on the little people on your way to the top is that you get to step on them again on your way down.

Now the news:

Pope snuffs out smoking

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) >> A law banning smoking in nearly all closed spaces inside the 108-acre city-state goes into affect next week. Pope John Paul approved the law, which will apply to everyone, including cardinals, archbishops and priests.

("No smoking? No women? No boys? No sex? Man, this job is really beginning to suck.")

Making a happy meal

LONDON (Reuters) >> Satellites will shortly swing into action to track sheep grazing habits as part of a project to make animals happier. In addition to tracking sheep, the project also will encourage pigs to indulge in satisfying rooting and create shady spots for cows.

The project is funded by Tesco supermarkets and McDonalds UK.

(You know the best way to make an animal happy? DON'T EAT IT!)

This justice had teeth

PANAMA CITY, Panama (Reuters) >> A 28-year-old Panamanian accused of killing a judge was eaten by a crocodile as he swam across a river after escaping from prison. Oswaldo Martinez was eaten alive while trying to swim across the River Terraba while fleeing jail in neighboring Costa Rica.

(We guess this is the SECOND-BEST way to make an animal happy.)

'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:

I pledge allegiance, to the lawyers, of the United States of America. And to the proposition, for which they stand, that no lawsuit is too nutty to get before a judge, especially if the judge is a loony old geezer appointed for life who is looking to grab a few headlines before his midmorning nap. In Sunday's "Honolulu Lite," we'll get to the bottom of this "Pledge of Allegiance" flap, by God.

Quote me on this:

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." -- Albert Einstein

---

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com

---