Honolulu Lite

CHARLES MEMMINGER

[ ALO-HA FRIDAY ]

HPD’s USA 9/11 pins
hold a surprise

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"Alo-Ha! Friday" Exclusive! Honolulu police officers who want to show their patriotism and remember the victims of the Sept. 11 attacks are allowed to wear a small rectangular "American flag" pin on their uniforms. But only the official pin sanctioned by the top brass. Some officers were miffed to find that the pins were made in China.

There's nothing wrong with having products made in China -- you know, things like McDonald's Happy Meal toys and running shoes. But you'd think that there'd be at least one American company capable of turning out lapel pins to mark one of the most tragic days in U.S. history, especially pins worn by our men and women in blue.

And now the news:

Name sans san an insult

TOKYO (Reuters) >> A Japanese man was so enraged by an acquaintance's failure to address him with an honorific that he stabbed the man to death with an umbrella.

Ryuji Sakamoto was arrested for stabbing Takayuki Niimi in the head with the umbrella after Niimi repeatedly refused to add the suffix "san" to Sakamoto's name when addressing him. Failure to add "san" to a name in Japan, even among friends, is seen as extremely rude.

(Stabbing someone in the head with an umbrella, however, is merely considered "sort of" rude.)

Italy ending speechifying

ROME (Reuters) >> Italy has declared war on officialese, vowing to simplify the way the state communicates with its citizens.

The project, called "Chiaro!" (Clear!) aims to rid the language used in bureaucratic texts of confusing terms.

One example: (Before) "The aforementioned office for economic treatment will cease the distribution of monies commencing from May 1." (After) "Our office will stop payments as of May 1."

(Better yet: "No moola in May, Mario!")

Putting a finger on art

BOGOTA, Colombia (Reuters) >> A French performance artist chopped off his pinkie with an ax in a gory show meant to symbolize the loss suffered by the kidnapping of a Colombian politician.

(The artist has booked nine more shows before his expected forced retirement.)

'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:

It's summertime, time for real men to break out real power tools and suffer some real serious injuries. Tune in Sunday for some real stories of some real dumb accidents.

Quote me on this: "The telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." -- Western Union internal memo, 1876

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Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com

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