ILLUSTRATION BY KIP AOKI / KAOKI@STARBULLETIN.COM

Giving keiki the right "assets"
doesn't involve money

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By Nancy Arcayna
narcayna@starbulletin.com

Everyone wants to raise responsible and caring kids. Unfortunately, modern economics dictate that most parents work, so children are often left unsupervised. When low self-esteem is added to the mix, kids become more susceptible to violence, alcohol, drugs and sexual activity.

"We teach childbirth classes and take our child home in a safety car seat. But no one tells us how to care for the child," said Clay Roberts, a senior consultant for Search Institute, an organization that evaluates what children need in order to become successful adults. "And we have kids raising kids."

Roberts will give a free workshop tomorrow night, giving parents some practical advice to help ensure that their kids succeed.

"We tend to live from crisis to crisis," said Marcia Hartsock, project director of Hawaii Kids Count. "Parents are wrapped up in providing basic needs and safety for their children. They don't think about how their decisions and actions will affect their kids.

"Kids are over-programmed these days. All you really need to do is spend time with them so they feel valued," she said.

"Hawaii kids look pretty good compared to the national level, but they are not the greatest," said Hartsock. "We have been working really hard to bring down teen pregnancy and birth rates, but we have noticed that more girls are becoming involved in substance abuse."

The number of teenage runaways in Hawaii has also increased, she said. "Some young children are in the sex trade. Others leave to avoid abuse. We have a hospitable climate, so it's easier to make the decision to sleep outside," she said.

According to the Center on the Family at the University of Hawaii, children born to mothers under the age of 20 are at greater risk of poverty and instability than those born to older mothers. These children are also more likely to have health and developmental problems, fail in school or become delinquent. Girls who become pregnant before age 18 have a greater chance of school failure, delinquency and poverty, which limit their opportunities.

"As a parent or caregiver, you can help by listening and talking to your kids and by sharing personal values," Roberts said.

"Our society is missing intergenerational interaction. We had older people in our lives that spent time with us. They taught us about the things that are important," said Roberts. We now have an age-segregated society. We have everything from preschools to senior centers. We have robbed the kids of the wisdom they attain when interacting with older adults.

"Kids aren't much different than they were 15 or 20 years ago," said Roberts, who believes it's adults who have actually changed.

"Adults see kids doing something inappropriate on the street and say nothing. Many senior citizens are afraid of teenagers. One of the major problems is the perception that all young people are bad. In fact, most of them are hard-working."

The African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child" has become a focal point for many communities in support of families and children. In the past, neighbors, coaches, friends and teachers were more involved in children's lives. Now it seems to be the sole responsibility of parents.

"It's important for an entire community to help raise healthy children," said Roberts, adding prevention is the key to success. "When a child is already using drugs or participating in destructive behaviors, it's difficult to build their self-esteem, and it's almost impossible to set boundaries."

His asset-building approach focuses on good values and attributes, as opposed to problems.

"The model (a list of assets kids need to be successful, see sidebar) creates a clear vision of what needs to happen to ensure we are raising healthy, caring and responsible adults. It doesn't matter if you are conservative or liberal, Anglo or African American. When you look at the list, it all makes sense."

According to Hartsock, there is some good news. Violent crimes in Hawaii spiked in 1997 and have decreased thereafter. "We also have a low dropout rate. Most kids ages 16 to 19 are staying in school and finishing," she said.

"We don't keep statistics on the good things people do. We only mark it down when it's bad," added Hartsock.

Clay Roberts will discuss the importance of building the following assets in youths tomorrow. These fundamentals are provided by the Minneapolis-based Search Institute:

External assets

The first 20 developmental assets focus on positive experiences that young people receive from the people and institutions in their lives. Four categories of external assets are included in the framework:

>> Support: Youths need to experience support, care and love from their families, neighbors and others. They need organizations and institutions that provide positive, supportive environments.

>> Empowerment: Youths need to be valued by their community and have opportunities to contribute to others. For this to occur, they must be safe and feel secure.

>> Boundaries and expectations: Youths need to know what is expected of them and whether activities and behaviors are "in bounds" and "out of bounds."

>> Constructive use of time: Youths need constructive, enriching opportunities for growth through creative activities, youth programs, congregational involvement and quality time at home.

Internal assets

A community's responsibility for its young does not end with the provision of external assets. There needs to be a similar commitment to nurturing the internal qualities that guide choices and create a sense of centeredness, purpose and focus.

Shaping internal dispositions that encourage wise, responsible and compassionate judgments is particularly important in a society that prizes individualism. Four categories of internal assets are included in the framework:

>> Commitment to learning: A lifelong desire to learn encourages flexibility.

>> Positive values: Strong values guide choices in life.

>> Social competencies: These are the skills that equip youths to make positive choices, to build relationships and to succeed in life.

>> Positive identity: Youths need a strong sense of their own power, purpose, worth and promise.

Success strategies What: "What Kids and Teens Need to Succeed" Workshop When: 6 to 8 p.m. tomorrow Where: Bakken Auditorium, Mid-Pacific Institute Admission: Free Call: Valerie Mariano at 586-1444

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