Honolulu Lite
While gambling interests have resorted to promising hundreds of millions of dollars in payoffs - I mean, payments to the state in return for exclusive casino license - my proposal that Hawaii simply build casinos on the mainland seems to be gathering support. Casino developers ready
to ante up millions of bucksMy buddy Eddie Sherman, MidWeek columnist, reports that radio funny guy Frank B. Shaner suggested on his morning show that the state subsidize a "Hawaii Hotel" in Las Vegas and funnel gambling proceeds back to Hawaii.
I've been pushing that concept for years, the idea being that by operating Hawaii-themed casino hotels on the mainland, we get all of the benefits of gambling (the money) without any of the downside (loser riffraff sleeping all over the place after they fly to Hawaii and blow their wad).
I suggested calling the hotel casinos "Hawaii! Hawaii!" after the "New York! New York!" casino currently in Vegas. But instead of limiting ourselves to Vegas, we could open "Hawaii! Hawaii!" complexes in Atlantic City, New Orleans ... wherever suckers with a buck and legalized gambling are to be found.
Local crooner Jimmy Borges hopped on the "Hawaii! Hawaii!" bandwagon, suggesting that the theme be further refined playing on the repetitive nature of the name.
"Everything would be doubled!" he said. "You'd have the Kau Kau Kafe where they'd serve lomi lomi salmon, mahimahi and laulau! In the Likelike Lounge you'd have Ho and Ho (Don and Hoku) performing duets!"
Local entertainers Keith and Carmen Haugen were kind enough to point out to me that they, in fact, had the idea of Hawaii setting up a mainland casino before I did. Andy Bumatai or Frank DeLima, no doubt, will claim parentage for the idea before the Haugens, and so Shaner joins a long line of lolos struck by an idea that is not as silly as it seems. (At least not as silly as former Mayor Frank Fasi's idea to build a casino on Midway Island. I suppose the name of that resort would be "Where the Hell Did All These Birds Come From!")
Gaming industry lobbyists have not given up on building a casino on Oahu. Inspired by the state's $300 million deficit, Sun International Hotels has offered to pay the state $300 million for an exclusive casino license. Isn't it weird the way the numbers just happen to be the same? The owner of the Detroit Lions football team, as well as a Detroit casino, is offering a paltry $100 million. What does he think we are, a state of lax virtue and rubes as well?
The proposals remind me of the old joke about the guy who offers a woman a million dollars to go to bed with him. She says, sure. When he offers her $25, she angrily says, "What kind of girl do you think I am?" He replies, "We have already established what you are, now we merely are haggling over the price."
The question is, "What kind of a state do these casino developers think Hawaii is?" I'll tell you what kind we are. We're the kind of state that knows that an exclusive gambling license in the most desirable vacation destination in the world is worth at least $1 billion up front. And you have to buy us dinner first and respect us in the morning.
In Hawaii, we may "Hang Loose" but we aren't easy.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com