Honolulu Lite
Technology outpaces
common senseWhat do microwave pork rinds, a cloned cat and the infamous traffic-control camera vans have in common? They are all examples of, if not technology running amok, then certainly technology running well ahead of any thoughtful decision-making process.
We live in a world where technology increasingly dictates policy and fashion and everyone knows technology has absolutely no taste. Remember Polyester? Somebody invents a way to make plastic-colored thread and suddenly we are all walking around in garish leisure suits looking like golfing pimps.
Someone invented laser cameras that can take pictures of thousands of cars going a fraction over the speed limit. Suddenly, because the technology is there -- and there's money to be made -- Hawaii institutes a zero-tolerance speeding program. The thinking process should have been: 1) Some idiots are racing on our streets and killing innocent bystanders; 2) There are some dangerous roads and highways where many accidents occur; 3) Let's see what technology is out there to solve these specific problems without being unduly punitive to everyone else; 4) Use the technology to improve the quality of life, not aggravate the hell out of thousands of residents.
This is what actually happened: 1) A private company approaches state with cool new traffic camera; 2) It convinces the Department of Transportation that this will be a gold mine for both the state and the company; 3) Greedy, self-centered bureaucrats institute an oppressive enforcement program that does nothing to stop street racers and does not focus on roads with high accident rates; 4) Bureaucrats gnash their teeth at anyone who complains, snarling that 99 percent of island drivers are lawbreakers who deserve to be busted; 5) Angry residents force camera-enforcement program down the poop chute and demand resignations of all the bureaucrats involved. (Parts of No. 5 may be wishful thinking).
I could foresee these kind of technological blunders years ago, when someone invented microwave pork rinds. Now, the microwave is a wonderful invention, capable of doing great good, like making popcorn. But it can be abused, as in the case of a rogue food scientist who invented microwave pork rinds. I tried them and I have to admit that I found the pork rinds hot, crispy and delicious. But that's not the point. We need cures to diseases like AIDS. We need cheeseburgers that make you skinny. We need contact lenses that make everyone appear naked. What we don't need right now are microwave pork rinds.
We also don't need cloned cats. But scientists have cloned a cat. Soon they'll clone a dog. A company called Genetic Savings & Clone (I swear, I didn't make that up) soon will clone your dead pets so you will never be without them. This is just sooooo Stephen King. Hey, when your mutt dies or your cat croaks: Get Over It! It's called life.
Now they have put an electronic implant in a monkey that allows the monkey to control a computer cursor by thought alone. Please. Don't monkeys have enough to worry about? Next they will teach a cloned cat how to make microwave pork rinds or implant a laser camera in a monkey brain so the monkey can bust speeding drivers. Why would they do that? Because they can.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com