Honolulu Lite


Bad girls are going
after the big bucks

When I hear that a majority of Arabs don't like or trust the United States, it makes me want to get on a plane, fly to Saudi Arabia on a one-man diplomatic mission and try to explain to the average Arab on the street that America is not the morally bankrupt, money-grubbing country they think it is.

Then I see that Fox TV will be airing a boxing match between defrocked figure skater Tonya Harding and "Long Island Lolita" Amy Fisher and I think, hey, these Arabs might have a point.

I love this country. But what a bunch of knuckleheads we are. How do you explain to outsiders that if a young American teenager falls in love with a big galoot gas station owner and shoots his wife in the face with a gun that, well, that's just another way of making a buck in this country; that fame is the most important thing and it doesn't matter how you get it?

If you are a figure skater and you plot with your boyfriend to have one of your skating rival's legs broken with a steel bar, that just makes you interesting.

Is there another country in the world where shooting someone in the face or breaking legs simply makes you a marketable commodity?

Also appearing on the so-called "celebrity" boxing extravaganza are Darva Conger and Paula Jones. Conger embarrassed herself and the entire country by marrying a complete stranger on television simply because he was a millionaire. When did we go from the "land of opportunity" to the "land of rank opportunism"?

Jones, to her credit, rebuked former President Clinton's romantic advance, if dropping your trousers and advancing on a defenseless underling can be called a "romantic advance." But we all got our fill of the whole seamy episode, and Paula should give us a break and let us forget about it. But no, there's money to be made. Paula, who posed for Playboy in her quest to get her good name back after her near miss with Mr. Bill, now has joined the touring company of Bad Girls on Parade.

How do we explain to our Arab buddies that Americans are not shameless and grasping when Monica Lewinsky suddenly is back on "Larry King Live" this week wringing the last drops of fame out of her own sordid history with Clinton?

Unlike Paula, Monica did not suffer a near miss, but enthusiastically grasped the opportunity to sit in the lap of power.

The moon was full last week, but does that explain this sudden public bimbo eruption?

This is not to say that America doesn't have a problem with men behaving badly. When men go bad, they do so in large packs in highly public venues, like Congress.

But before we express outrage that our Arab brothers can't see America as the righteous place we think it is, we must remember they get the Fox channel in Yemen and Syria, too.

Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail

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