Honolulu Lite
Just when you thought your work week would end without any weirdness, "AloHa! Friday" is here to remind you that the world is not the safe, sane place you want to believe it is. Bad dogs, free fries and
udder nonsenseTake Kate Shermak of Hudsonville, Mich. In one deft action, this 11-year-old girl has shown what a bunch of idiots the rest of us are. Shermak was given a school assignment to ask a business for something silly or outrageous. She asked Arby's restaurants for free french fries for life. And she got them!
All you have to do to get free french fries for life is ask for it? I've probably spent $80,000 on french fries in my lifetime. Never once did I think to simply ask if I could have them for free. What an idiot.
And now the news:
Cops cowed by mystery
HASTINGS, Neb. (Reuters) >> An object that police found at a Nebraska car wash thought to be a severed male sexual organ turned out to be a cow's teat."I've learned more about cow parts and human parts in the past two weeks than I cared to," said Police Chief Larry Thoren.
Police ended their initial homicide investigation after the part found near a vacuum cleaner turned out to be bovine.
(Investigation over? Questions need to be answered! Like, what was a cow doing using a vacuum cleaner at a car wash in an udderly unsafe manner?)
This mutt has arms
SAO PAULO, Brazil (Reuters) >> A dog with a strong instinct to retrieve brought his master an unwelcome gift: a smoking grenade.Haroldo Mota said his dog Chumbinho has in the past brought home an old bicycle wheel and a .22-caliber revolver.
"The only thing he has not brought home yet is money," Mota said.
(If it's money you want, send the mutt back out with the gun.)
Forget Off! Try Samba!
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil >> Brazilian authorities are turning to samba to battle the worst mosquito-borne dengue fever epidemic in 11 years.Composer Telma Tavares' samba "Get Lost, Dengue," a song that reminds people to get rid of stagnant water, airs on all the city's radio stations.
(We're already writing the "Skeeter Hula" to battle Hawaii's dengue outbreak.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
In case you didn't know it, one of the biggest problems facing Honolulu isn't crime, a bad economy or elected officials who blatantly ignore zoning laws and run wedding businesses out of their homes, it's people stapling flyers and posters on telephone poles. Thank goodness the City Council is cracking down on this dangerous practice before someone gets hurt.
Quote me on this: "Racism is so stupid. There's more than enough reasons to dislike people on an individual basis." -- Will Durst
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
https://archives.starbulletin.com/lite