Honolulu Lite

CHARLES MEMMINGER

Friday, February 22, 2002

Axis of Lackadaisical
is new threat

A reader forwarded an e-mail containing an obviously fraudulent news report alleging that Libya, China and Syria, upset at being snubbed in President Bush's "Axis of Evil" proclamation, have formed their own "Axis of Just As Evil."

Other countries quickly followed suit forming such organization as "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice but Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America" and "Axis of Counties That Allow Sheep to Wear Lipstick."

At least, I think the news report was fraudulent. In any case, it raises an important point: If there truly are countries that comprise an "Axis of Evil," then there must be all kinds of other axes out there. I've always suspected countries like Finland, Greenland and Uruguay constitute an "Axis of the Lackadaisical," while Chad, Niger and Cameroon obviously have formed an "Axis of Excessive Perspiration."

And now the news:

When karaoke kills

MANILA (Reuters) >> A Filipino man was killed and his friend seriously wounded after they sarcastically applauded a student for singing Frank Sinatra's classic "My Way" off key.

Philippine karaoke parlors have been removing "My Way" from play lists because fights frequently break out when the song is sung.

(This is so unfair. "My Way" doesn't kill people. People who sing "My Way" kill people. Perhaps there should be a three-day waiting period before anyone can sing "My Way" in public.)

Hippo did it her way

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) >> An adult female hippopotamus attacked and killed a woman who was photographing her calf in South Africa's famed Kruger National Park.

Authorities said hippos are aggressive, particularly when protecting their young.

(The fact that the woman laughed at the baby hippo's rendition of "My Way" had nothing to do with the attack.)

Pope 3, Devil 0

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) >> Pope John Paul has performed three exorcisms during his 23-year reign, including one as recently as September.

(The versatile pope is also known to change his own oil in the Pope-mobile and cure the occasional ham.)

'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:

EXCLUSIVE! "HONOLULU LITE" INVESTIGATION REVEALS LEGISLATORS DELIBERATELY LEFT TECHNICAL FLAW IN CAMERA VAN TICKETS SO STATE COULD CANCEL UNPOPULAR PROGRAM IF IT PROVED FATAL TO THEIR POLITICAL CAREERS! (And other fantastic unfounded speculations!)

Quote me on this: "He's a guy who gets up at 6 o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." -- Boxing trainer Lou Duva on a hot prospect

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Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.

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