[ SUNDAY TRAVEL ]

STAR-BULLETIN / NOVEMBER 2001 The Pleasant Hawaiian Hula Show is a favorite among tourists. Visitors are invited to come down to try the dance. Eric Johnson of Salt Lake City gave it his best shot.

Grandma knows
best at hula

Pleasant Hawaiian's hula show
impresses oglers and onlookers

---

By Scott Vogel
svogel@starbulletin.com

Grandma, sitting on those hard bleachers, her hair exploding through a Waikiki visor, a plastic lei draped uneasily around her neck, was getting heatstroke. Or anyway, that's the excuse she used in order to justify sitting 20 rows behind her daughter and son-in-law at the Pleasant Hawaiian Hula Show. Everyone within earshot that Tuesday knew that she had just traveled 2,000 miles to get here (or 4,000 or 7,000, she never knew which), and there was no way she was going to get heatstroke the first day and take the chance of missing Pearl Harbor (she'd bought special shoes for that day) or her granddaughter's eyes as round as saucers as she saw them lift that pig out of the ground.

But as she told a woman nearby -- a copper-haired woman who until that moment had been in heated discussions with a friend over curing a skin condition by dipping her foot in Clorox -- the young don't know how to pace themselves.

STAR-BULLETIN / NOVEMBER 2001 Visitors were encouraged to take pictures of the show. Loraine Littlefield, left, and Marvel Cummings both from Everett, Wash., did just that.

The copper-haired woman, meanwhile, had almost canceled a Hawaii trip because of fear of terrorists (a word she pronounced with two syllables, like Laura Bush), proposing instead an alternate vacation to Branson, Mo. But Branson will always be there, and besides, the president told everyone to go on with their lives. And so here she was, tapping her gold-painted toenails impatiently, waiting for the show to begin.

A whole lotta Hawaiian hula What: Pleasant Hawaiian Hula Show When: From 10 to 11 a.m. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays Where: Waikiki Shell, Kapiolani Park Cost: Free Call: 945-1851

Mostly, the woman just nodded when Grandma spoke, perhaps fearing that the old lady would talk during the whole show. She had already asked several questions about the show, such as why the men got to wear pants under their grass skirts, where the ladies of the Royal Hawaiian Glee Club got their hats, and why, during 64 years of running this show, no one thought to move it into the shade.

Just then, two geezers -- one of whom wore a Warren's Auto Parts cap -- came bounding up the aisle from the sun-drenched seats up front. They were sweating profusely.

"Too hot down there, isn't it?" said Grandma confidently.

"Yeah, but the view is great," winked one, meaning the hula girls. Grandma received this message like she'd just discovered a cherry pit in her mouth. After they'd left she rolled her eyes at her neighbor, who did not receive the message, having gone back to discussions of Clorox and skin conditions with her friend.

"Aloha and welcome to the Pleasant Hawaiian Hula Show, formerly the Kodak Hula Show," said the host, once the crowd had gotten a taste of the singing and dancing. "We appreciate you going through all those security checkpoints at the airport to get here."

Grandma nodded gravely as a helicopter was seen hovering in the distance. From 20 rows away, her granddaughter, age 10 or so, turned around and eyed her suspiciously. Grandma waved sweetly, ignoring the expression.

STAR-BULLETIN / NOVEMBER 2001 Visitors arrived in droves to try the hula.

"Oh, is that your granddaughter?" said the copper-haired woman, who also wore an XFL T-shirt and Adidas fanny pack. "She's as cute as a button."

"Maybe you want to reserve judgment," mumbled Grandma, without explaining why.

On stage, John and Virginia Gentry of Greenwood, Ind., were being introduced to the crowd as a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, which John said he never forgets because it always falls on Thanksgiving. No one seemed to find this statement puzzling.

Next, Michael and Linda Dicker of West Orange, N.J., leaped to the stage. We were told that they are here to celebrate their honeymoon, and then heard the story of how Michael proposed marriage by planting an engagement ring in a box containing such things as household wiring. In most homes, Dicker's proposal might have gone unnoticed, but as "Linda is good at wiring phone systems and at circular saws," it wasn't long before she found the ring and their Hawaii tickets were booked.

"In Hawaiian culture, men were always first," said the host. This announcement produced a chorus of boos from the women in the audience.

But then he added that in olden days the men did all the cooking, whereupon most everyone -- from Grandma to the copper-haired woman -- burst into applause. The man in the Warren's Auto Parts cap did not react, continuing to stare at the hula girls.

"Yeah!" shouted Grandma with jubilation, apparently wishing her husband had done more of the cooking. This prompted a quick withering glance from her son-in-law, who just as quickly turned his head back around. Rivulets of sweat were running through his bald spot, which may be why a devilish smile was seen to erupt on Grandma's face.