Honolulu Lite
Let me get this straight. The government took MY money to put in a special hurricane relief fund so that if a hurricane hit, I'D have money to repair MY house. After forcing me to contribute MY money for several years to the hurricane fund, politicians have decided that hurricanes are not a threat anymore. But through some mysterious Zeigfried and Roy hocus-pocus, MY hurricane-protection money has (POOF!) suddenly become the government's money to be shoveled into that sucking black hole called the general fund. Render unto homeowners
hurricane cashWith all due respect, Governor, heavy rains this winter have revealed two leaks in my roof. I'd like MY money back now to repair MY storm-related home damage.
The governor's explanation is basically, We need it, we got it, you're not getting it back. This kind of thing used to happen to me all the time at Aiea High School. We called it "highjacking."
Now the news:
Client in a bad state
GALVESTON, Texas (Reuters) >> A jury convicted a Texas man of aggravated assault for shooting his girlfriend because he thought she was about to say "New Jersey."Thomas Mitchell's attorney tried to convince the jury his client was mentally ill and that certain words set off an uncontrollable rage in Mitchell. Those words include "New Jersey," "Wisconsin," "Snickers" and "Mars."
(We wonder how Mr. Mitchell feels about the words "hurricane relief fund.")
Take my life, please
NEW DELHI (Reuters) >> Laughing guru His Holiness Sri Sri Ravishankar, dubbed the "fastest growing guru in the marketplace of happiness," is packing crowds across India with his "no worry, be happy" recipe for living.The perpetually smiling guru uses quips and humor in his feel-good messages to the masses.
Some of his sayings include "Make the divine your valentine" and "I can put a toffee on your tongue, but I can't make you taste it."
(Which brings up that well-known knee-slapper, "You can lead a guru to standup comedy, but you can't make him Rodney Dangerfield.")
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
Forget ski jumping, half-pipe snowboarding and giant downhill slalom, the most exciting sport in the Winter Olympics is "curling," in which overweight Nordic housewives and Scandinavian fish-scalers with beer bellies slide glorified teapots down an ice-covered shuffleboard track. So what do curlers have to do to get a little press attention? Break each other's legs and bribe judges?
Quote me on this: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -- Former NFL quarterback Joe Theismann
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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