Honolulu Lite
All right. Let's get this out of the way right at the very top. The name of the stage play being performed at the Hawaii Theatre is "The Vagina Monologues." ‘Da Kine’ play helps
men with sexualityI'm pretty sure that's the first time in 11 years of "Honolulu Lite" that "that word" has appeared in this column. It was a little scary. But now that it's over, I feel better. Simply by seeing the word in print, we nullify its social radioactivity. I feel I can write the word over and over again without any fear of embarrassment. So I will: Monologue, Monologue, Monologue, Monologue, Monologue, Monologue.
Now, that other word, the one that starts with the "V," that one's been in the column plenty of times. But the older I get, the harder it is to write the entire word. When I was younger, I would just slap "vagina" into any old column, which was a sign of how cool and hip I thought I was. But its use seemed to become gratuitous, even wanton, especially in columns about City Council meetings and the cute antics of my dog Boomer, who, for the record, is a gelding.
Creeping maturity caused me to drop letters from the word, thinking that would set a tone of decorum for the column, bring some dignity to the proceedings. But it only injected an element of mystery and, worse, puzzle-playing. ("V- - - - A" Virginia? Viola? Vodka? What the hell word is he going for here?)
Which is sort of what the whole stage performance of "The Vagina Monologues" is about: an open discussion of taboo subjects, addressing serious issues of gender and physiology with absolutely no unintentional giggling.
AFTER HEARING about the success of "The Vagina Monologues" on the mainland, I began putting together a Hawaii version, which would be directed at men. The problem is that while men have no trouble saying "vagina," they have a tons of trouble saying "p - - - s." (No, not "pesos.") In Hawaii, men refer to that part of their anatomy as "da kine."
So the name of my stage production is going to be "The Da Kine Talks Story."
As with the "The Vagina Monologues," "The Da Kine Talks Story" is not simply about genitalia, but about men becoming comfortable with their bodies, the troubles of being a man and the phenomenon of "hair migration."
One whimsical segment -- entitled "What, You Punk, You Like Me Broke Your Face?" -- looks at the too-common problem of when two men inadvertently make eye contact while picking up feminine hygiene products for their wives in the local supermarket.
Another, entitled "Hey, Brah, Your Mongoose Cage Stay Open," is an exploration of how one man can tell another that his zipper's down without appearing to be, you know, unnaturally interested. Women don't have that problem. If they see another woman in public whose bra strap is showing, they'll just walk over and say, "Girl, look at you, sticking out all over the place!" and then simply fix the strap for her. You'll never see a guy in the mall go, "Bruddah, you forgot to zip up! Here, let me get that for you."
I'm hoping that "The Da Kine Talks Story" does for men what "The Vagina Monologues" is doing for women: improve men's self-image, allow men to discuss sex without excessive use of culinary-based euphemisms, and make lots and lots of money for the author.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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