Honolulu Lite


Friday, January 25, 2002

Coqui frogs, the paws
that refresh

Do frogs even have paws? Or are the little appendages on the ends of their longer appendages called hands and feet?

It doesn't matter. I would be the last one to let anatomical correctness get in the way of a good headline pun.

So now you learn one of the dirty little secrets of "AloHa Friday": I actually write a lot of the headlines. I know. What depth, what range, what a lot of extra time this guy has on his hands. Actually, the editors always have the option of changing the headline. If they change today's headline, all the preceding blather isn't going to make any sense at all. So they probably will.

I love editors. Earlier this week, editors took the phrase "the halt" out of a column because they didn't think readers would know it meant "the lame, the hobbled, etc." But they inserted "Wisc.," because they didn't think readers would know where the city of Green Bay is. God, love 'em. (Editor's note: We've saved the ungrateful galoot's butt more times than he'll ever admit. Like, he had Green Bay as ONE word.)

(Columnist's note: You got me there. Can't we all just get along?)

Now about those annoying tiny coqui frogs, we haven't heard a screech from them lately. We were told that feeding them coffee or caffeine could croak them for good. If anyone knows what's up with the little blighters, e-mail me.

Readers Doug and Betty Cooper did e-mail me with their suggestion for getting rid of the frogs: Turn them into food. Among many other suggestions they admittedly "borrowed" from Dennis Fujitake's gecko sushi franchise, the Coopers proposed coqui poke and Coqui-Cola. And that's got to be a record for the longest trip from a headline to punch line.

Now the news:

Brothel gets the red light

WALDSHUT, Germany (Reuters) >> Europe's first brothel featuring male prostitutes catering to women has gone bankrupt because customers refused to pay.

(Well, duh. Why do women not pay for sex? Because they don't HAVE to.)

These races will be brief

TORONTO (Reuters) >> Canada's Olympic speed-skating team will be showing off more than their abilities in Salt Lake City with their nearly transparent, high-tech suits.

When skater Krisy Myers skated past photographers in Norway last weekend, happy-face underwear could be seen through her skin-tight suit.

(Krisy has happy-face underwear. Mine are suicidal.)

'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday: What a coincidence! The controversial sexually explicit stage show "The Vagina Monologues" is in Hawaii right as I'm putting finishing touches of a male local version entitled "The Da Kine Talks Story." See Sunday's "Honolulu Lite" for all the tasteful details.

Quote me on this: "From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." -- Groucho Marx

Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail

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