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magine, for a moment, they let you in the room. WAILEA RESORTS
Gold rush
The Gold Course at the Wailea Resorts
hosts the PGA Senior Skins GameSomebody lifts up the back flap of the tent, waves you to the head of the line, lets you under the ropes for a glimpse at greatness.
No, you will never have the opportunity to sink a putt for your first major. Never get the chance to stand head deep in a bunker looking at a patch of land 220 yards away, believing you can get there with that flat iron in your hand. Not once know what it's like to walk up the 18th fairway nodding and waving like the Pope at your adoring fans.
This wasn't meant to be.
Instead, after the final foursome has been selected, once the golf gods make the cut, somebody steps out and gazes upon the masses in search of someone else to witness the coming event. There's no rhyme nor reason to it.
It's him and him, and yes, her, and then they point your way and say, "You can come, too." What is happening as you scramble forward? What will you say when they put you front-row, center?
You can't babble, "There's The King and The Golden Bear. That's them right there." As if Muhammad Ali were ringside. You can't give yourself away. But think for a moment. Before we knew of Watson and Woods. After there was Snead and Hogan. Fans rushed to the edge of the green to catch a glimpse of Palmer and Nicklaus walking by.
Welcome Arnie and Jack, who not only transformed themselves, but the very nature of the game. Joining them at the head table for this year's Senior Skins are Hale Irwin and Fuzzy Zoeller. Men etched in our minds like a highlight reel caught in a loop.
Wasn't that Hale who traded high fives after winning the U.S. Open at 45? Didn't Zoeller, at Winged Foot, once wave a white towel at Greg Norman as a sign of surrender, only to answer The Shark's every shot?
YOU MUST GET a hold of yourself. They will kick you out and let someone else in to tell the story if you stray into the rough, riding a fade disguised as a slice. Now, start thinking of something and fast. Just what would you say to Palmer if he stood across from you waiting for a question asked and answered countless times before?
"Did you really put Penzoil in that tractor?"
No, no, no. That's not good. He might think you're Carl from Caddyshack. Wander over to Nicklaus and see if something else comes to mind.
"Hey Jack. Have you thought about designing the 18th green at The Memorial like a giant golden bear?"
Bad choice. Very bad choice. He might not appreciate your line of humor. Try Fuzzy.
"Never thought you'd see 50, did you big guy?"
OK. OK. So you're an idiot. What about Hale? He seems harmless enough.
"You've won this event the last few years. How about showing Me the Money?"
IT MIGHT BE best if you let the veteran golf writers drive the cart. Sit over in the corner and try not to act too conspicuous. These seniors know the rub of the green.
This Saturday, the peackocks will be on parade. They will walk around Wailea and talk about the breath-taking beauty of Maui and the island's closest friends. This made-for-TV will go off with a nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
Money will exchange hands. Skins won't be validated -- this is a one-day event after all -- and some guy who already has more cash than Woods will look a national TV audience in the eye and say something witty like, "I guess that about covers the hotel bill."
And if you have the proper credentials -- it's a wide assortment of badges and stickers and passes and pins, only valid as a foursome -- you can stay a step inside the ropes and watch golfers first seen on a flickering black-and-white screen.
True, it won't be like Nicklaus winning The Masters at 46 or Arnie charging after a putt, holeward bound, but it won't really matter. Just seeing Nicklaus and Palmer up close and personal will be enough. The fortunate few will be pleased with Fuzzy's one-liners. Even Irwin can come along for the ride.
Because you know this as well as anything, Jack and Arnold won't be swinging by here forever. One day, Fuzzy will be playing with Freddy, Gentle Ben and The Shark. It seems like more old guys keep dropping by all the time.
So grab your tape recorder. Don't forget your notebook and a couple of pens. And better take that scorecard just in case you get lost in reverie somewhere on the back nine and discover they played through. This is a chance of a lifetime.
Somebody once told Rocky, "You can't pass it by."
Arnold Palmer
Turned professional: 1954
Joined Senior Tour: 1980
PGA Tour victories: 60
Senior Tour victories: 10
Highlights: Named "Golfer of the Century" at the centennial banquet of the Golf Associations of Philadelphia and received the Distinguished American Award from the prestigious Jonathan Club in Los Angeles.
Jack Nicklaus
Turned professional: 1961
Joined Senior Tour: 1990
PGA Tour victories: 70
Senior Tour victories: 10
Highlights: Ended his remarkable run of 154 straight appearances in major championships when he chose not to compete in the PGA Championship at Sahalee C.C. in 1997; Broke Sam Snead's record for most rounds played at the Masters with his 147th.
Hale Irwin
Turned professional: 1968
Joined Senior Tour: 1995
PGA Tour victories: 20
Senior Tour victories: 32
Highlights: Set a Senior Tour record for consecutive sub-70 rounds with 13 in a row; Voted Senior Tour Player of the Month in May, July and August of 1999.
Fuzzy Zoeller
Turned professional: 1973
Joined Senior Tour: 2002
PGA Tour victories: 10
Highlights: Won the 1979 Masters and the 1984 U.S. Open -- both in playoffs; Set PGA Tour record in 1984 by earning $1 million without winning a single tournament.
Where: Wailea Gold Course SENIOR SKINS GAME
When: Saturday
Field: Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Hale Irwin, Fuzzy Zoeller
Purse: $600,000Tickets: Friday, $10; Saturday, $30; Children 12-and-under are free when accompanied by a ticketed adult. Tickets may be purchased on Maui at: Wailea Golf Club pro shops; Kaahumanu Shopping Center information booth; Sports Authority, Kahului; Nevada Bob's Golf in Kihei; Maui Golf Shop (formerly Kihei Discount Golf); Kaanapali Golf Club pro shop; and the Lahaina Cannery Mall. No refunds or exchanges for inclement weather or lost or stolen tickets.
TV: ABC, Saturday, live, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. HST; Sunday, tape delayed, 7:30-9:30 a.m. HST
Parking: Will be available at designated lots throughout the resort. The first event parking lot will be at the grass overflow lot on Wailea Ike Drive. There will be a $3 parking fee per vehicle, all of which goes to the Boy Scouts and Maui Junior Golf. Complimentary shuttles will operate between the event parking lots and the Gold & Emerald Clubhouse throughout the event.
Shuttle schedule: Friday, 8 a.m.-4 p.m.; Saturday, 8:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m. Public parking will not be available at the Gold & Emerald Clubhouse on both days of the event.
Equipment: Wireless phones, cameras of any kind and large bags are not allowed at the tournament.
Paul Arnett has been covering sports
for the Star-Bulletin since 1990.
Email Paul: parnett@starbulletin.com.
