Honolulu Lite
Bird in hand is
expensive propositionWhy are household pets so competitive? No sooner had I gotten our dog Boomer back from the vet after treatment for scrapes and bruises received in a freak accident, then our Lovebird decided to get an egg lodged up in the only part of the bird anatomy where eggs can be lodged.
I was still feeling bad about Boomer since he suffered his injuries while technically under my watch, which is to say that, technically, I was driving the pickup truck that he fell out of on Christmas Eve.
Even though I had him safely tethered with two leashes in the back of the truck, I took responsibility for his Houdini-like escape from the vehicle.
But when our bird Sweetie became egg-bound, I had to put my foot down.
"This one," I declared, "is NOT my fault!"
You didn't have to be Marlin Perkins to see that Sweetie was a sick little bird. She was listless and quiet. But more to the point, her feathered behind was as big as a Mack truck and she had an expression on her face generally associated with advanced constipation.
So we rushed her to the very same animal hospital where Boomer had been patched up with the very same trepidation. Not trepidation that the animals would not be successfully treated, but that my wallet would go into shock and need resuscitation from a team of highly trained emergency loan officers.
See, the thing about veterinarians is that they don't charge by the pound. When it comes to billing, a bird in the hand is worth an elephant in the waiting room.
The thing about animal hospitals is that they don't have kamaaina rates for overnight stays. So Sweetie spent two nights in the hospital at a cost that usually includes air fare and a rental car, not to mention bonus travel points.
The prognosis was not good. There definitely was an egg stuck inside her which raises the scientific question: What's a single, female bird that weighs less than a drumstick doing laying eggs anyway?
The answer is that girl birds, Lovebirds or chickens, lay eggs, whether there's a father figure around or not.
After two days the bird doc managed to get the egg out, which is more complicated than you can imagine. I mean, you can't just snap the bird like a whip to solve the problem. (No, I didn't try. Honest.)
Sweetie can say three things: "Pretty girl," "baby" and "kiss, kiss," but when we picked her up at the hospital after her ordeal, I think the word she was searching for was "Whew."
But she's feeling much better, mainly because her vet bill was $250, exactly twice that of Boomer's. I'm just hoping we're over the hump animal health-wise. There's a gecko in the bathroom complaining of a headache. I told him if he knows what's good for him, he will take two termites and not call me in the morning.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
https://archives.starbulletin.com/lite