Honolulu Lite
YOU'LL be shocked to learn that the world record for long-distance hula hooping belongs not to someone from Hawaii, home of the hula, but to a New York health food store owner. For the record, Hawaii’s
just not tryingYou should be equally shocked and angered to learn that the record -- walking five miles while hula hooping -- was not set in Honolulu, but in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.
How much more humiliation can this state take?
We are regularly beaten in "World Best" lists in categories such as nice weather, most sunshine, least rain, sandiest beaches, most coconutty coconut trees, friendliest vermin and zaniest politicians (the last of which you'd think would be a complete lock for our state).
The only categories in which we seem to excel on a national level are State That Places Convicted Sex Offender Probation Offices Closest to Elementary Schools; State with Lowest Age for Sexual Consent by Minors; Most Judges Likely to Give Murderers a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card; Highest Number of Citizens Under Continual State-Sponsored Camera Surveillance (not per capita) and State That Consumes Greatest Quantity of Spam.
We had a golden opportunity to claim spotlight for an admirable record -- long-distance hula hooping -- and we let it get away.
Ashrita Furman, a 47-year-old health nut, walked five miles in Cambodia while hula hooping. For that he will get into the Guinness Book of Records. And it's not like he needed to set another record. According to news reports, the dude already is listed in the Guinness book for setting records in other weird events like climbing Japan's Mt. Fuji on a pogo stick and walking 33 miles with a bottle of milk on his head. Now he owns the record for the sport he calls "hula running."
That should be ours, man. He must have passed through Hawaii en route to Cambodia. Couldn't someone have met him at the airport and said, "Ashrita, buddy, how about hula hooping around Diamond Head?" Or if he wasn't in a hula-hooping mood, he could have climbed Tantalus with a bottle of guava jelly on his head. Bet there's no Guinness entry for a stunt like that.
But we shouldn't even have to try to convince non-Hawaii residents to get us in the record books. Honolulu is full of weirdos. I mean that in a good way. I'm sure a couple of you weirdos could hula hoop or hula run more than five miles. We need to think out of the bento box here. Come up with other events that will get Hawaii into the Guinness record book. How about Pogo Sticking DOWN Haleakala with the Least Amount of Hops? That would be rather thrilling.
Or how about an event called The Person to Carry Don Ho the Farthest Distance on His/Her Shoulders? I could probably carry Don around Ala Moana Park a couple of times.
So gather up your hula hoops, jelly bottles and local celebrities and let's get cracking. World records from Hawaii are just waiting to be set.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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