My Kind of Town
>> Makiki Heights Resolutions
The secret to keeping New Year's Resolutions is to make the right ones. You don't, for example, vow on Jan. 1 to Lose 20 Pounds. Instead, you vow to Not Get Any Fatter. Big difference in inherent inspiration. Plus it gives you some leeway.
Another trick of successful resolution-keepers is to avoid anything that requires 12 whole months of devotion to fulfill -- such as Finish The Honolulu Marathon in December. A simple Get Plenty Of Exercise will carry you through the year quite well, and probably more successfully.
And so it was that Sen. Donovan Matsuda-Yee-Dela Cruz-Bishop-Kamaka made a reso- lution in the early hours of 2002. Taking his first puff of crystal meth in the new year (of course he carried a buzz over from 2001), he frowned at his disappearing stash. With Serena out of his life, he resolved to find a new supplier. That shouldn't take too long. He knew enough strippers.
Then there was Sherlock Gomes, the HPD detective who was going to force Donovan to get cleaned up -- or face arrest. Unless, of course, Gomes somehow ceased to exist in the next 24 hours. There was another good reason for that to happen. Gomes was after Donovan's girlfriend, Dr. Laurie Tang. Thus the senator's second resolution.
>> Kaimuki
Here is a perfect example of why the cosmos is filled with conflict and chaos. While Sen. Donovan Matsuda-Yee-Dela Cruz-Bishop-Kamaka was resolving to Off Gomes, the detective was making his own resolutions.
Gomes first resolved to Repay Mr. Matsuda. Vern Matsuda was Sherlock's math teacher and wrestling coach at Leilehua High, and he owed the great man everything. The senator happened to be his son. Gomes would force Donovan to clean up and stay clean, for the late Mr. Matsuda.
Gomes also made a personal resolution to Learn To Swim. His habit of sinking like a chunk of lava was basically what was holding him back from fulfilling a longtime resolution to Complete The Tinman Triathlon.
Gomes had found a swimming instructor, and she was part of his last resolution. And then he thought better of it. He was a man of logic, and knew that no man can resolve to sleep with a woman because it's always the woman who controls these things. So instead of resolving, Sherlock Gomes made it his New Year's wish to Know The Love Of Dr. Laurie Tang.
The conflicting resolutions, wishes and plans of these two men reached the Great Drummer, by whose rhythms the world and its seasons turn. Taiko thunder echoed from the Ko'olaus to the Waianaes.
Don Chapman is editor of MidWeek.
His serialized novel runs daily in the Star-Bulletin
with weekly summaries on Sunday.
He can be emailed at dchapman@midweek.com