Honolulu Lite
‘IT’ is cruising for
a legal bruising
The super-secret, hyper-hyped, computerized, gyro-stabilized, electricized scooter "IT" has finally been unveiled. And the nation has given it a resounding "whatever."Techo-freaks on the Internet have been having hot flashes about IT (the contraption's secret name) for the past year. Some geeks thought the gizmo was the product of reverse UFO engineering. Other geeks thought the mysterious thingy would be some kind of personal levitation vehicle. When it was unveiled this week as being nothing more than a sophisticated scooter, the Big Brains were deflated.
The general public, which was generally disinterested in IT before IT was released, was amazed at the cute conveyance for a total of about three minutes. They watched Diane Sawyer buzz around on IT on "Good Morning America" showing that IT was easy to use and completely safe, as long as you had a guy running along beside you to catch you when you almost fall off, which Sawyer promptly almost did.
Then the armchair inventors started to chime in: "It should have blades so it can cut the yard while you ride; It needs a roof so you won't get wet; It needs an ash tray ..."
Inventor Dean Kamen, who spent millions of dollars and years developing IT must have wished for just a second he had spent millions of dollars and years developing a laser-powered "Idiot Zapper."
Why was everyone raining on his technological parade?
Here's why? While "Ginger," as IT is now called, is cute, it's not as cute as the real Ginger from "Gilligan's Island," or half as fun to ride. (Easy, perverts. What I mean is, I'd much rather be piggy-backed to work by Ginger -- or even Mary Anne -- than ride a geek-mobile.)
IT looks like one of those old push lawnmowers or a pogo stick confined to a wheelchair. Sure, IT looks fun to ride, but as a major form of transportation, it's lacking.
Comedian Jon Stewart put his finger on it when he said what Ginger needed was two more wheels, a seat and a shell to keep the weather out.
Kamen is convinced Segway -- yet another name for the contraption -- will change the world. He said It-Ginger-Segway "will be to the car what the car was to the horse and buggy." By that does he mean more dangerous, more expensive and harder to feed?
I will concede that It-Ginger-Segway will have a huge impact on one segment of the population: Lawyers. While the machine is relatively safe, using it still involves challenging gravity and most people are gravity-impaired. First lawsuits will be filed by the disabled and fat, who won't be able to use it. More will follow from the uncoordinated and spastic who can injure themselves in a Nerf-lined room. Kamen says riding IT is as easy as walking. Unfortunately, for many vertically-challenged people, walking isn't as easy as walking.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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