Honolulu Lite
Let's play a little game. It's called "Where's Jonnie?" It's kind of like Hide 'n' Seek, except in this game only one person hides, City Council Chairman Jon Yoshimura. He hides behind a certain position on an issue and we've got to see if we can find him. Smoking out Jon’s
elusive stanceLet's start with smoking in restaurants and bars. Here are a number of positions on the issue. You figure out "Where's Jonnie?"
A. Smoking should be completely banned from all bars and restaurants.
B. Smoking should only be banned in restaurants.
C. Will not support any bill that takes away business freedom, particularly smoking policy.
D. Smoking allowed in restaurants only on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.
E. Smoking should be allowed in restaurants only outside, preferably by the entryways, so that everyone has to walk through a cloud of smoke going in and out of the restaurant.
F. Smoking should be allowed in restaurants only on the holidays of foreign countries in which smoking is prevalent, (i.e. Bastille Day, Tet, Mexico's Day of the Dead, Simon Bolivar's Birthday, Guy Fawkes Day, etc., but not the Battle of San Jacinto Day for obvious reasons.)
G. Smoking should be limited to outdoor areas of restaurants as long as the area is "charming" in the European sense and has tables with umbrellas advertising foreign beer.
H. Smoking should be allowed in restaurants only by patrons wearing an article of red clothing.
And the answer is: Hell, I don't know. I lost Jon a long time ago. I was one of those who thought he crashed into a telephone pole and wasn't involved in a hit and run. I know I said that I knew all along that he had hit a car and only waited two years to admit it to deflect criticism, but I was just trying to be cool. Call me gullible, but I actually believed the lug.
His little bout of schizophrenia last week threw me again. He's always been against banning smoking, right? He voted against it just last week. But wait, now he says he's for it if they only limit it to restaurant patrons who wear their hat at a jaunty angle, or something like that. I don't want to pick on Jon, but he makes my brain hurt.
As head of the city council, I'd like to hear him make the following address:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, America is at war, and Honolulu is quickly becoming one of the casualties. Planes are not crashing into our buildings. Anthrax is not in our mail. But our economy is being ravaged. Businesses are dying. Employees, like certain droll columnists, are taking big wage cuts to keep their jobs.
"As of today, I promise that the City Council will concentrate all of its efforts on helping business and families survive these hard times. We will shelve all bills that can wait until things improve, including the restaurant smoking ban. We will seek input from business owners as to what we can do to help them, holding hearings for as long as it takes. And if business owners can't come to us, we will go to them. This does not mean we are abandoning other issues. It simply means we understand priorities. If we can't help, at least, like doctors, we will do no harm."
Call me gullible, but I really see the big lug saying all that.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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