Honolulu Lite


Friday, November 16, 2001

Wally makes the
worry cookie crumble

Wally "Famous Amos," the cookie dude, likes to annoy me by being so upbeat all the time. I mean, sometimes he's so happy, you just want to smack him. But then he makes you smile and ruins your plans for being ticked off the whole day.

He recently sent me this item: A Native American grandfather told his grandson, "Sometimes I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is vengeful, angry and violent and the other is loving, caring and compassionate." The grandson asks, "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?" The grandfather says, "The one I feed."

Can we all have a big "Awwwwwwwwww"?

Not much room for news, but here it goes:

When mimes go bad

SINGAPORE (Reuters) >> Delegates worldwide will meet here next week not to discuss terrorism, global warming or economics, but to flush out ideas on toilets.

Attendees will be privy to discussions on design, ventilation, sanitation, incontinence, and the future of a devise that is still a luxury in the developing world. Highlights will include mime performances depicting desirable and undesirable toilet behavior.

(Where are those hoards of rioting anti-globalists when you need them?)

Shameless plug dept.: We start a new feature of AloHa Friday today: The shameless promotion of absolutely anything that readers might find useful or entertaining. This first one is really shameless, since it has to do with this newspaper's classified advertising. Everyone's looking for a way to make a little extra money these days and no doubt have something or other to sell. The problem is that if you want to sell it for less than $100, it's not worth putting in a classified ad. Now it is, because you can do it for free. Place a free ad in the "Bargain Corner" section of the classified of this paper for anything you want to sell for $100 or under. Call 529-4800.

E-mail me your shameless promotions (or any funny published or unpublished news items, jokes or observations for AloHa Friday) at the address below.

Honolulu Lite on Sunday: You'd think that while America is at war and many Hawaii business are struggling to survive and some are dying, the Honolulu City Council could at least act like a concerned physician and follow the Hippocratic Oath to "First do no harm." Not only is the council not helping small businesses or at least remaining neutral, its busy slapping new "fees" on certain businesses and proposing crippling regulations on others. In a time of crisis, the city council once again is out to (a smoke-free) lunch.

Quote me on this: "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats." -- Henry Louis Mencken

Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail

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