My Kind of Town

by Don Chapman

Friday, November 16, 2001

No (bleep), Sherlock

>> Ala Moana Beach Park

It was only 7:15 a.m., but the beach at the Diamond Head end of the park was crowded like noon on the Fourth of July. Thanks to a Cellular Posse call from Dot Chang to Perry and Price at KSSK, word was spreading quickly about the WWII-vintage Japanese mini-sub that had surfaced and beached itself like a whale. A half dozen uniformed cops were doing their best to keep the crowd back.

"What happened?" a female jogger wondered.

"You see that wahine in the blue swimsuit?" Dot Chang replied, pointing to the Asian woman standing in ankle-deep water beside the sub. "She was riding the submarine when it surfaced like it was a bucking bronco."

The jogger looked at Dot like she was crazy and edged away.

The woman in the blue swimsuit, Dr. Laurie Tang, was looking up at two men standing on top of the sub. One of them, extreme photographer Johnny B. Goo, was leaning into the open hatch, taking pictures of the sub's interior. The other one, a lean, buff guy wearing red surfer shorts, was HPD Detective Sherlock Gomes. He was there to meet Dr. Tang after her swim and ask about her boyfriend Sen. Donovan Matsuda-Yee-Dela Cruz-Bishop-Kamaka and what she knew about Serena Kawainui, who had crashed the senator's car yesterday, drunk and in possession of crystal methamphetamine, which Gomes had found the senator smoking at a Makiki Heights home last night. Waiting for Dr. Tang's return, Gomes saw her rising up out of the water on top of a surfacing sub. Questions about the senator would have to wait.

Gomes and Johnny B jumped down from the sub.

"When did you start shooting?" Gomes said.

"When the sub was maybe 30 yards from the beach. And I kept shooting right on through until after you opened the hatch."

"And you're sure you didn't see a big Hawaiian woman without any clothes coming out?"

"No offense, detective, but have you been smoking something funny?" Gomes just glared. "When you get the film developed, I'd like to see what you have."

"This is digital," Johnny B said. "You can see it now."

"No (bleep)?"

"No (bleep), Sherlock. But you can see better if we get out of the sun."

>> Wearing wrap-around shades and a Dodgers cap pulled down low, Sen. Donovan Matsuda-Yee-Dela Cruz-Bishop-Kamaka watched Laurie, Gomes and the photographer standing in the shade of a lifeguard tower, looking at the photographer's camera. Laurie and Gomes had their heads together, she clutched Gomes' arm, pressed a breast into his side. The senator didn't like it. Yes, Gomes must go. He would not survive again.

Don Chapman is editor of MidWeek.
His serialized novel runs daily in the Star-Bulletin
with weekly summaries on Sunday.
He can be emailed at

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