Honolulu Lite
Billionaire Prayboy Osama bin Laden buys bombs instead of biscuits, Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein builds palaces instead of pita parlors and Saudi princes pursue harem harlots instead of terrorists. But all the problems of the Arab world are our fault. Uncle Sam needs
PR makeoverWe give Palestinian leader-for-life Yassar Arafat $100 million United States tax dollars A YEAR and yet his people were dancing in the streets, celebrating the World Trade Center attacks. Years of viscous rule by fanatical anti-women Taliban thugs has left hundreds of thousands of Afghan children in danger of starving to death. But, surprise!, that's our fault, too. And let's not even talk about Northern Alliance "freedom fighters" whose idea of waging war is to squat by an empty mortar all day long gazing at fields of poppies. Guess who's to blame for their inefficiency?
Obviously, Uncle Sam needs to change management agencies and get a new flak.
We better go to the news before I get really upset.
A pain in the okole
LASI, Romania (Ananova) >> Romanian doctors have found a missing sewing needle inside a female patient after she complained of sharp pains when sitting down. The 62-year-old woman remembered sewing a few days earlier when she hiccupped and dropped the needle she was using. She didn't find the needle, but it apparently found her.(Doctors who removed the needle said the situation could have been worse. She could have been knitting when she hiccuped, for instance.)
Hubby almost croaks
LUSAKA, Zambia (Ananova) >> A court has granted a Zambian man a divorce after his wife served him a cup of tea with a frog in it.(When asked why she put a frog in his tea, the former wife said because the rhinoceros wouldn't fit.)
And we have foodstamps
TILBURG, Holland (Ananova) >> A Dutch council is paying for a disabled man to have sex once a month with a prostitute. Hennie van den Wittenboer had been fighting for several years to get the service from the social services department.The wheel-chair bound man convinced the council that sex was a primary need for a human being.
"Now there's a lady coming once a month and I feel much better," he said.
(God bless the Dutch.)
Honolulu Lite on Sunday: Naming a cow is serious business. So why is Meadow Gold Dairies allowing only children to take part in a contest to name Lani Moo's recent offspring? If we end up with a baby bull named Osama bin Moo, we'll know whose to blame.
Quote me on this: "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." -- Mae West
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
https://archives.starbulletin.com/lite