Honolulu Lite
Once again offering humorous refuge for a war-weary world, Alo-Ha Friday scans the globe to bring you news that is just a little too off-beat, bizarre or taste-challenged to make it into a family newspaper. ‘Bad’ actors wanted
by the policeBut first a local announcement to aspiring actors, criminals, criminal actors or acting criminals: The Honolulu Police Department Wants You.
HPD needs people to play the roles of bad guys and victims in upcoming recruit training. I'm signing up. My Al Capone is a little rusty but I can nail the part of victim: "Ouch, that hurts."
And now the news:
Marriage passes acid test
KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) >> Newlyweds in Malaysia threw acid on a youth after they spotted him peeping at them through a window.The 17-year-old boy suffered burns on his body after the couple realized they were being watched and threw a bottle of acid at the window.
(Asked why he took a bottle of acid to bed with him on his wedding night, the groom said, "Oh. That. Uh. It's not like I was going to use it on my wife or anything.")
No sleeping on this job
BERLIN (Reuters) >> German prostitutes do not take criticism of their profession lying down.A German soccer coach aroused the ire of prostitutes when he compared his struggling players to "St. Pauli whores" who do nothing but "smoke cigarettes, drink too much and sleep around."
St. Pauli prostitutes fired back that they work 12 to 14 hours a day, exercise to stay in shape and many avoid alcohol and tobacco.
"He should send his boys over here to see how hard we work. They could learn a thing or two from us," one working girl said.
(Team members quickly agreed to undergo the extracurricular training.)
Or on this one ...
BERLIN (Reuters) >> The German city of Cologne has set up drive-in brothels in a bid to move the red light district away from a landmark cathedral.Customers drive their cars through an "approach zone" where they can pick out the prostitute of their choice. They then take their selection to a covered parking space adjoining a bedroom and shower. The legal complex is open from 2 p.m. to 2 a.m.
(There's a special Dysfunctional Soccer Team Extracurricular Training Happy Hour from 4 to 5 p.m.)
Honolulu Lite on Sunday: Confessions of an Aging Hypochondriac: For those of us suffering from Pre-Traumantic Stress Syndrome, this anthrax scare is nothing to sneeze at.
Quote me on this: " If you haven't anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me." -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
https://archives.starbulletin.com/lite